Honoring Kelly-Anne's memory

Today is about honoring the memory of my best friend. Today is about remembering what made Kelly-Anne special and unique. I hope you will join today in paying tribute to Kelly-Anne Drummond. Here's what I will do today to remember Kell:

Pray for the repose of Kelly-Anne's soul and for strength, peace, and grace for all those who loved her.

Tell my family and friends how grateful I am for their love and support.

Watch the tribute video we created for her wake.



Look through my photos and remember some of my favorite stories about Kell.

Reread her letters and postcards and laugh at her silly antics.

Light a candle and listen to some of the Ashley MacIssac music Kell loved so much.



How are you remembering Kelly-Anne?

On a Sunday just like this one...

Today is the sixth anniversary of the attack that claimed Kelly-Anne's life.

On October 3, 2004, Kelly-Anne had just returned from a trip to Italy. She seemed in good spirits outwardly, but her thoughts must have been consumed with the dark situation in which she found herself. Kell was in a relationship that had turned sour. She believed she could handle it, that she and Marty could break up "like adults."

From what we know, Kell's last day alive was rather ordinary. She was recovering from jet lag from her trip and resting after a busy week at work. She was probably doing laundry and getting her things unpacked. Knowing Kell, she was looking through a craft magazine or website, thinking about some autumnal Martha Stewart projects she would tackle. She was probably also plotting how she could save money--Kell was extremely thrifty with her resources and I bet she was planning on being even thriftier than usual after her expensive trip abroad... Kell was cooking dinner (porkchops) for her and Marty.

Sometime that evening, Kelly-Anne and Marty's landlord knocked at the door to ask after their rent. Apparently, some portion of the rent hadn't been paid despite the fact that Kelly-Anne had left it for Marty before she went away. Apparently, Marty had decided to "hold back" some of the rent money instead of giving it to their landlord.

I'm sure Kelly-Anne was upset when the landlord left their apartment. That kind of irresponsible behavior didn't sit well with her (not even when we were children or teenagers!). According to Marty, they began to argue.

That fall Sunday, only a few weeks before her 25th birthday, was Kelly-Anne's last day on earth. For reasons that escape reason, Marty attacked Kelly-Anne on that fateful night. Her injuries were fatal.

Kell's death was tragic. And it was senseless. By all rights, Kelly-Anne should have lived a long and happy life. Instead, her infectious joy and spirit were snuffed out by a selfish, violent, and volatile individual.

For Kelly-Anne's family and friends, the world became a colder, darker place on October 3, 2004.

Nice memories from Kelly-Anne's dad

Here are some nice memories from Kell's father, John. He posted these on Kelly-Anne's mom, Doreen's blog... Read her post here.

Thank-you Doreen for your postings about Kell on your blog. I have just finished a one hour & twenty minute phone call with Val Ayerst. We did alot of remembering of our beautiful daughter. As you know this year is the first year that everything coincides to the day. This is especially very hard for me. Adrienne and I layed flowers today at her graveside. There was alot of water covering many markers but none at Kell's. This was strange to see. I had expected to see water covering her marker but it was dry. Being such a swimmer Kell would have basked at the moment. As I write this I am listening to some music from The Trans Siberian Orchestra, who are known for Christmas Music. There is one song in particular that Kell liked, Christmas Canon. I can play this now or in December or July, I will always think of Kell.Not exactly East coast music, but she liked it.
This Saturday night brings back many memories to me. Kell was here telling us about her recent trip to Italy. We laughed until we were almost crying about her adventures. When I drove her back to her apartment, I did not know that I would not see her again. This will be with me for the rest of my life. But the moments that we had that night will be embedded in my memory forever.
Kell is gone in body, but her spirit and memory will be with us and many others for ever.

The little things

Once in a while I pass someone on the street who has beautiful brown curly hair and is small in stature but looks strong. I can't help but stare and do a double take. In the split scond before my logic takes over, I am elated! Like Doreen, I sometimes imagine Kell's just away on another of her trips. Seeing the world. Somewhere like Hawaii, Australia, or Fiji!

Sometimes I am reminded of Kelly-Anne in different ways. One of my friends, in particular, frequently reminds me of Kell in expression or gesture. She looks nothing like Kelly-Anne physically, but sometimes my friend will exclaim something with enthusiasm and I can't help but laugh and smile because I could imagine those words coming right out of Kell's mouth. It is just a small thing, but it brings me joy and reminds me of the enormous degree of energy, vigor, enthusiasm, and good cheer Kell posessed.

Some light reading...

Over the weekend I was feeling pretty crummy so I decided to pick up a fiction book for a little light, fun reading. I probably should have thought more carefully before I got into this one, though, because it was neither light nor uplifting. While My Sister Sleeps, by Barbara Delinsky, is a great book. But I wasn't prepared for the emotions that engulfed me as I read it. An elite athlete suffers a fluke heart attack and is placed on life support as doctors determine she is brain dead. In the end, the family must decide to remove her life support and let go of their beautiful daughter who was gone far too soon. Heavy stuff, particularly when it is a little too similar to real life situations you are all too familiar with.

Anyhow, even though it upset me, I did like the book in the end. And her other books are equally good.

trips and travel

Doreen has started a series of posts over at her blog to honor Kelly-Anne's memory in the lead up to the tragic sixth anniversary of her death. If you aren't already reading her blog, make sure you head on over and check it out...

Hard to believe we've already arrived at six long years since Kell died. Six years ago I had just moved to Washington. Kell and I had big plans for her to come visit ASAP. She had been planning to come to Ohio when I was studying there, but the trip was just so long that we never could figure out how to make it happen. As Kell put it in one funny e-mail to me:

Raye...I was looking for the tickets for Ohio, am I am having second thoughts. It is very time consuming and the trips have 23 stops each leaving from Montreal. Going from Windsor to Athens takes 20hours...according to a map the two cities are not that far apart....they must drive around in circles, or go north to go south.

So, for obvious reasons, the Ohio trip never happened. But we knew Washington to Montreal was a much, much easier trip. We would have had a good time together exploring this city. I could just imagine the two of us getting into all manner of mischief as we went adventuring. Too bad Kelly-Anne never got to make the trip.

Seven Quick Takes: The Kelly-Anne Drummond Edition

Concordia won the Kelly-Anne Drummmond Cup this year. Although my loyalty to McGill runs deep, I can't help but be pleased. That is how it should be.

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Hard to believe that nearly six years of my life have passed without Kelly-Anne to share them. Sometimes I feel like I am still in a nightmare. Once in a while, I catch myself thinking I need to tell Kell something right away. Then I remember.

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My curly hair is getting decidely less curly every year. Why can't I have curls like Kell did? She had the most amazing ringlets. My curls? They are now close to waves and no product I find seems to make a difference at all.

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The man who murdered Kelly-Anne only has about seven more years to serve in jail before he's elligible for parole. I can't think about this without having my blood boil. Seriously? Second degree murder of a vibrant 24 year old woman in the prime of her life and he only gets 13 years? What is wrong with that picture? And, more importantly, why aren't Canadians more outraged by their justice system.

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I love the fall season--especially here where the weather is so humid all of the time. But as the nights turn colder and the days get shorter, I begin to think about Kelly-Anne constantly and relive all of the lasts. Last time I saw her. Last time I spoke to her. Last time she went on a trip. Her last postcard from Italy. Last, last, last. It is all so sad.

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When Kell, Kim, and I were little girls, we each had a striped tee shirt (mine and Kell's were red and Kimmy's was blue, I think?) that featured a WWII era poster with a pin up girl wishing she could join the navy. Does anyone else remember those shirts? They looked like this. Anyway, I recently saw magnets like this for sale at the Marine Corps Museum and so, of course, I had to purchase one for me and one for Kimmy for her upcoming birthday. It made me smile. Hopefully it will make her smile too.

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Not sure where I'll go from here with this blog. I haven't been posting as regularly, but I will still continue to update from time to time as the mood strikes. I know many of Kell's other family and friends check in here on a regular basis, so please feel free to send me e-mails of your memories and I'll happily post them.


Quick Takes are hosted every Friday over at the Conversion Diary. This is a grat idea and I've always wanted to participate. Head over and read some others if you are interested...

The Kelly-Anne Cup

Each year, Concordia and McGill face off in an annual women's rugby game in memory of Kelly-Anne. This year's game will be played TONIGHT, September 8, 2010, at 8:30 pm on the Loyola field across from Concordia in N.D.G. The Kelly-Anne Drummond Cup is presented to the winning team and funds raised are donated to Women Aware.

Edited: Concordia won this year's match and there's a fabulous game recap from their newspaper available here. My favorite quote comes from the team captain:


Jackie Tittley had an important mission on Wednesday night at Concordia stadium. The women's rugby captain was responsible for keeping the Kelly-Anne Drummond Cup safely in her grip, and out of McGill's hands. "I have to keep it safe, it's an important piece," she joked as she cradled the glass trophy. "It's under very high security."

A similar situation?

New details being revealed in the sad case of Yeardley Love's murder... And, sadly, many similarities to a story we all know too well. Here are just a few of the similarities:

--The victim and the accused were involved in a romantic relationship, but were in the process of breaking up.
Kelly-Anne and Marty were also in the process of ending their relationship.

--The accused was known for being violent and especially "aggressive when he drank." In 2008, he was arrested and shocked with a stun gun after a violent encounter with a police officer. He also threatened to "kill everyone" upon his arrest.
After Kelly-Anne was murdered it became known that Marty had a violent track record, especially in past relationships. Marty had also been charged and acquitted of uttering death threats and was prevented from possessing weapons.


--The media is reporting that friends of the victim and the accused say that the accused tried to attack the victim in public just weeks ago. Police are also investigating claims that the accused may have issued threats via text message.
According to the testimony of several of her close friends, Marty was violent toward Kelly-Anne and issued threats including in the weeks leading up to her death.

--The accused admits to a violent altercation with the victim immediately prior to her death but says her death was an "accident that turned tragic." He claims to have shaken her, causing her head to bang against a wall repeatedly.
Never in the time since she died has Marty admitted to Kelly-Anne's death. Instead he claimed that he and Kelly-Anne were arguing, he threw his hands up in frustration, sending the steak knife with which he'd been eating through the air, stabbing her in the back of the neck. The defense theorized that Kell tripped on a soft-drink bottle and fell back against the stove, which pushed the knife farther into base of her skull, snapping off the blade. Obviously, the jury recognized this tall tale for what it was.

There are a few disturbing differences in how these cases will be prosecuted, however:

--George Huguely has been charged with first degree murder in the death of Yeardley Love. In the state of Virginia, this is a class one felony that carries a punishment of death or life in prison with no parole.
Martin Morin-Cousineau, on the other hand, was charged only with second degree murder in the death of Kelly-Anne Drummond. He will be eligible for parole after 13 years.

Anyone else think there's something seriously wrong with this picture? I could easily make the case that--simply by virtue of the weapon of choice (knife v. hands)--Cousineau intended more deadly harm than Huguely.

Why do Quebecers put up with a justice system that is so lenient to its most violent criminals?

Rest in peace, Yeardley Love

I don't know what it is about these kinds of crimes, but I can't ever seem to get them out of my head. Another accomplished, athletic young woman cut down in the prime of her life by a man with whom had been romantically involved.

You may have seen the news stories about the "Lacrosse Murders" at the University of Virginia. Yeardley Love, was found dead in a pool of blood in her apartment. Her former boyfriend, George Huguely, has been accused of first degree murder. Both the victim and the accused are 22 and both play lacrosse for UVA. A more detailed summary of the case can be found here. A video is also embedded below.

Yeardley seems like she was a great girl--an elite athlete, she is remembered by her friends as smart, personable, kind, and friendly. I hope that her friends and family will help make that her legacy, rather than the tragic way she died.

I can only imagine what the Love family and all of Yeardley's friends are going through as they try to deal with this horrible tragedy. I will keep them and the entire lacrosse community in my thoughts and prayers.

In the pool

I've been swimming again a few times in recent weeks, and I must say, I have been enjoying it tremendously. I can't possibly enter an aquatic center without thinking about Kelly-Anne. That's actually one of the things I have been really enjoying. Swimming laps gives me time to think about Kelly-Anne. Everytime I smell the chlorine or see the cute lifeguards watching out for the swimmers I remember precious Kell. I'm not the only one. Doreen, Kell's mom, feels the same way whenever she swims.

Although I would really love to be able to have Kell physically swimming right alongside me, I know she's with me in spirit. And I take great comfort in that.

A Challenge

Losing someone you love--whether to illness, accident, or murder--is one of the most painful things we can go through on this earth. Everytime we hear of tragedy, we all hope and pray that it isn't our own child, sibling, parent, or friend. But we have no control over such things.

I am firmly convinced that we all have a role to play in encouraging those around us who are struggling with major challenges such as illness and loss. So often, we recognize the magnitude of the tragedy unfolding around us but we think there is nothing we can say or do to make it better or less painful.

I want to challenge you to think carefully about that assumption. There are always ways you can help, whether it is cooking a meal for the family; driving the patient to an appointment; visiting the hospital; sending a card, letter, or email of encouragment; remembering the family in prayer; or simply offering a kind word to someone in need. These are things we need to remember.

So the next time you hear of a tragic illness or loss, I urge you to do SOMETHING. Do not make excuses for yourself about not knowing someone well enough or not knowing what to say. Trust me, a thoughtful gesture--no matter how imperfect--will be rememebered for a long time and will be a big boost for someone in need.

Bon Jovi

I just got a new CD for my car in honor of Kelly-Anne: Bon Jovi's greatest hits.

I've been driving around these past couple of days rocking out to classic tunes like Livin' on a Prayer, You Give Love a Bad Name, and Blaze of Glory.

I can't help but think about Kell when I listen to these classic tunes. She loved Bon Jovi even when were kids and it brings me right back to a point where I can almost picture her doing Kareoke or rocking out at a lifeguard rant.

Can't close out this post without a classic Bon Jovi video:

Calling all Montrealers

Mckibbin’s West Island and the Montreal Barbarians Rugby Club invite you to an

Afternoon of Songs & Laughs: Take III
“Celebrating the Spirit of Kelly-Anne”

To raise funds for the
Junior and Elite Athletes
Of the Montreal Barbarians Rugby Club
in memory of Kelly-Anne Drummond
March 20th, 2010 from 2pm - 6pm
6361 Trans-Canada Hwy,Complexe Pointe-Claire,Pointe-Claire, QC H9R 5A5

Live entertainment !

Singer / Song writer Dave Moran
Comedians Mike Paterson, Kevin Gasior & Ryan Wilner

Raffles, Auctions and Door Prizes!

$20 ticket price includes:
1 free beverage, finger food and live entertainment

Come Enjoy the Fun and Support our Aspiring Athletes

Canada's Newest Senator

Clearly, I'm behind on Canadian news but this still bears mentioning.

Pierre-Hugues Boisvenu was just appointed to serve as a Canadian senator! In 2002, after the tragic murder of hist daughter, Julie, Pierre Murdered or Missing Persons' Families' Association (AFPAD).

Kudos to Prime Minister Harper for a great decisison. Good luck, Senator Boisvenu.