Thursday, October 14, 2010

A mother's grief

I came across this beautiful poem on Kristy's wondeful website, Waiting for Happy. I encourage you to check it out--she writes about her experience as a young mom of five children, two of whom are already in heaven.

I'm not a mother and I've never lost a child, but I thought this poem was beautiful and it certainly sums up how I feel about Kelly-Anne. I never, ever mind talking about her. In fact, I wish I had more chances to talk about her!

People just don't know what to do when someone has experienced such an enormous loss. I can't tell you how many times someone has looked at me stunned when they find out about Kell and quickly changed the subject to something more comfortable. I know Doreen has experienced this as well.

I'm not suggesting that we should spend all day talking about our grief and loss, but I am suggesting that when it comes up naturally in the course of conversation it is important not to stifle those feelings. Next time you are interacting with someone who has survived a tragedy, remember that they could always use your love and support and that changing the subject and moving on quickly doesn't seem particularly loving.

Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~

In my next post, I will discuss some of the most lovely gestures that I've experienced since Kelly-Anne died.

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