Funny Memories--Post Three

Read earlier posts here and here...

Kell used to be obsessed with finding out what our former friends and classmates from elementary and high school were up to. This was actually hard in the pre-facebook era! In particular, she loved discovering that someone was "following their dreams." I can remember her being so happy when she found out that someone who wanted to be a pilot in elementary school had actually followed through. She also like to point out that she too was following her dreams to have a career in communications. Here's a pic of Kelly-Anne at our grade six graduation... when her lifelong dream was to become a television newscaster!

Funny Memories--Post Two

Here's the latest in the series of funny Kelly-Anne stories... Click here to read the first post from yesterday.

Kelly-Anne was a lifeguard at Fairview Pool for many years. She really loved guarding--it was the perfect way to combine her passion for athletics with her passion for helping people. Each year at Fairview, the staff would get together for a group photo. Kell loved these opportunities, and would always try and top the creativity of last year's photo. In the summer of 2000, she had the brilliant idea of getting the staff to hop aboard a Montreal city bus to take the photo. Here are the awesome results.

Accidentally on Purpose?!

There are so few "trivial" posts on this blog, that I can't pass up the opportunity to mention that Nic Wright, a dear high school friend mine and Kelly-Anne's, will be starring on the new CBS show, Accidentally on Purpose. The premiere is tonight on CBS. Nic is a very talented actor and I am sure that he is going to be awesome!

Nic actually created the tribute video to Kelly-Anne that was played at her funeral and visitation. He owned a production company at the time and generously volunteered his time to stay up with me late into the night creating the beautiful testament to a life well lived. (Note to self: find a way to get that video on YouTube!)

Anyhow, tune in to the show if you can. I am sure it will be great! I'll leave you with a fun photo of Nic, Kell, and Scott goofing around in Ottawa for Canada Day.

The Kelly-Anne Cup

The annual Concordia-McGill Women's rugby game played in Kell's honor will be hosted by Concordia University on Tuesday, September 29 at 8 pm at the Loyola Campus field on Sherbrooke Street West.

This is a great event and one that Kelly-Anne really would have appreciated. She loved the chance to play a good rugby game and especially loved to try and beat McGill!

The cost to attend this event is $5 and funds raised will benefit WOMEN AWARE, a non-profit that has been helping women who are victims of domestic abuse for over 13 years. Kelly-Anne's mother, Doreen, works with WOMEN AWARE on some of their initiatives.

Funny Memories--Post One

I always find myself down in the dumps at this time of year. I think about Kelly-Anne and her tragic death and how much I miss her. Each year, as we head in to the fall, I am reminded that another year has passed without sweet, fun Kell in my life. And as I celebrate my birthday year after year, I am reminded that Kelly-Anne wasn't around to celebrate her own birthday...

To combat this negativity, I've decided to post a series of funny memories about Kelly-Anne over the next month or two. Check back often for a new story, and if you have any ideas or memories abotu Kell, please feel free to send them my way...

Kell was an entreprenurial soul. She used to generate lots of ideas for projects, crafts, business opportunities, you name it. Whenever she would come a up with a new idea and found herself discussing it with a close friend or family member in a public place she would try and protect her intellectual property by making a loud declaration: "that idea has been trademarked by Kelly-Anne Drummond."

If some nefarious character riding on the bus (or wherever Kell was discussing this) had been planning to steal her idea, surely they would be disuaded by this!

You never know...

Have you been following the news about Annie Le, the brilliant doctoral student from Yale who was found murdered and stuffed into a wall of the campus lab she worked in? It is a tragic story and a very, very sad end to another promising young woman's life.

After a lengthy investigation, police in New Haven have arrested Raymond Clark, a lab tech who worked with Annie, and charged him with murder. This is not a case of domestic abuse--in the end, there's probably nothing that could have saved Annie. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

But, according to this article there were plenty of warning signs about Mr. Clark's behavior that should have been red flags for his friends and family.

Mr. Clark's past girlfriend "claimed she had been forced to have sex with him and feared what Clark might do if she broke up with him." A neighbor of his is quoted as saying that Clark was "very controlling of his girlfriend. He wouldn't let her talk to me, or anything."

Do you know someone like this? Are you ever afraid of your significant other? Do you ever just get a "bad feeling" about someone close to you?

If I have learned one thing from Kelly-Anne's death it is this: trust your instincts. If you are worried about someone's character, go to the police station and find out if he or she has a record. If you know someone is abusive and dangerous, take action before it is too late.

Of course it could be different this time. But maybe it won't be. Maybe it will even be worse. You really never know. I can assure you that my strong, confident, and life-loving best friend ignored some serious warning signs. Why did she ignore them? Because she thought things were different and she thought she could handle it. In a million years, Kelly-Anne never thought she would wind up dead.

Obviously, that was not the case. But had she recognized the signs of escalating abuse and gotten out while she still could maybe Kelly-Anne would still be alive today.

When do you stop feeling pain?

The five year anniversary of my last visit with Kelly-Anne is fast approaching. Sometimes the pain of her death is as raw as it was in the weeks and months that followed her murder.

In the summer of 2004, I had just moved to Washington and Kelly-Anne had just moved into the apartment with Marty. When I went home in early August to move my stuff down to DC I visited with Kell several times. She was SO excited about her new apartment and new appliances. I remember being surprised to see that Kell had a new fridge and stove and washer and dryer. Kelly-Anne was unbelievably careful with her money and this must been one of the biggest purchases she ever made. I was stunned, however, when I saw she had also purchased an expensive looking stereo. When I commented to her that it was out of character, she said Marty had wanted it. I was surprised, but said nothing more.

She had picked out all sorts of paint colours for her walls. In true Kelly-Anne fashion, they were bright and colorful. And there had to be at least six different colors throughout the apartment. (I sometimes wonder if the kitchen of the apartment is still bright yellow?)

We had fun together during that week that I was home. We laughed and talked and acted silly as we always did when we were together. We were both excited for the future: Kelly-Anne was heading to Italy in a month for the lifeguarding comeptition, and I was heading back to DC to begin a new job.

I had no way of knowing then that I'd never see Kell alive again. I wish I had spent more time with her, told her what a good friend she really was. I don't have any siblings and Kelly-Anne was the closest thing to a sister I'd ever have.

We didn't always see eye to eye and we didn't always have the same outlook on life. But we loved each other deeply and saw each other though thick and thin for nearly twenty years.

I doubt I'll ever have another friend like Kelly-Anne...

Four Years

Sadly, the time has come to mark another year that has passed since Kelly-Anne's murder. Another year that we are deprived of her presence in our lives. Our friend was taken from us so horrifically, and the raw pain of those tragic days in early October 2004 continues to haunt us as we mark the passing of another year.

As time marches on I find that I don't miss Kelly-Anne any less than I did before. And somehow, the perspective of four years seems to make the situation even sadder. I honestly find myself wondering how this could have ever happened to my dear sweet Kelly-Anne. Someone so full of joy and life, eager to experience all life had to offer was snuffed out at the tender age of twenty-four. Unbelievable.

As a tribute to my friend, I have put together a new video on Youtube.com to celebrate her life. Kelly-Anne was able to make everything an adventure... Hopefully those of us that were lucky enough to know her will continue to do the same.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Odds and Ends

The Fourth Annual Kelly-Anne Drummond Memorial rugby match was held in Montreal this past weekend. I was lucky to be in town and had fun watching the game. More than $1,400 was raised for Chez Doris. McGill ended up defeating Concordia (14-10). Of course, I felt conflicted about who to cheer for. It was great to see Doreen, Kelly-Anne's mom, give out the trophy to the winning team. I'm so happy that this annual event takes place; Kelly-Anne would take much pride in the fact that her former team-mates (and her McGill rivals) are honouring her memory in this way.

This is the time of year where I always get particularly sad about Kelly-Anne's death. As soon as the leaves begin to turn and the weather gets a bit cooler I think about transitions and the fact that another year has passed without her presence in my life.

Hard to believe we’re going on four long years. That’s more than the amount of time we spent in university, and almost the same amount of time that we spent at John Rennie. November 28 has come and gone without celebrating Kell’s twenty-fifth, twenty-sixth, twenty-seventh, or (her lucky) twenty-eighth birthday. Four years since I visited Kelly-Anne’s new apartment on Pierrefonds boulevard and saw the funky paint colours she had chosen for each room. And four years since I woke up that fateful October morning to hear Kelly-Anne’s life had been cut short. It is just plain awful. And so very, very sad.

This year is made even more difficult, I think, by the fact that I am now planning a wedding Kelly-Anne can't be a part of. Every little girl dreams of her wedding and the ladies that will stand by her side as she marries her sweetheart. I have to say I can't picture that day without Kelly-Anne there to celebrate…

Parting Words

I remember clearly the last time I spoke to Kelly-Anne. It was Saturday, October 2, 2004, the day before she was attacked. It was the first time I had spoken to her since her return from Italy, and I was excited to hear all about her adventure.

She told me the vacation was great, that she had a good time, and that Italy was wonderful. But manner in which she described her experience and the tone that she used made me aware something was wrong. She just wasn’t her usual, bubbly, excited self. It was even more obvious because we weren’t just talking about the mundane or everyday—we were talking about the trip of a lifetime.

I asked her what was wrong, and she told me she didn’t want to get into it. I expressed my sadness that things were so bad between her and Marty that she couldn’t even be excited about such an amazing trip. She told me she agreed, but there wasn’t anything she could do and that we’d talk about it later. I said that was fine and told her that I expected her next trip to be one to come and visit me! She laughed and said that was definitely next on her agenda.

Although we ended on a high note, I hung up feeling sad and upset. How could this be happening to Kelly-Anne? Who was she becoming? What exactly was going on? I had so many questions and no answers. I didn’t know then that I would never have the chance to speak with her again.

After I hung up the phone that sunny Saturday afternoon, I went downstairs and picked up my mail. Amongst the bills and junk mail there was a postcard that Kelly-Anne had sent me from Florence.

I wish I had told her how much I loved her the last time we spoke. Mentioned that she was a great girl and a wonderful person and I was so lucky to have her as my best friend. The last time I spoke with Kelly-Anne wasn’t a particularly happy occasion, but I didn’t know then that we would never again have the chance to talk.

My life changed that day. Not only will I always miss Kelly-Anne. But I’ll never again be exactly the same person I was before her death.

Montreal Barbarians host Fundraiser in honor of Kelly-Anne

I'm pleased to announce that the Montreal Barbarians Rugby Club will be hosting

"An Afternoon of Songs & Laughs"

on March 29 from 2 p.m. to 6 p.m.

At McKibbon's West Island.

This event will raise funds for the West Island Women's Shelter in memory of Kelly-Anne Drummond. For more information, please visit the Club's website here.

Old Photos

When someone dies, their friends and family are left with only their memories. And the sad reality is that those memories begin to fade with time. I can remember many things about Kell, but unfortunately those memories aren't as vivid as they were just a couple of years ago.

I just spent some time going through old photos and letters. So many of those photos feature my laughing, smiling, happy, silly, and carefree best friend. And those photos and the memories they depict are all I have left to remember her by. I really love going through the letters and postcards Kell sent me over the years. I'm so happy I held on to these things; it gives me joy to sit quietly and remember my friend.

But inevitably when I get to the final photo or the final postcard I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. There isn't another photo that can be taken or letter that can be written. And that is a bitter pill to swallow.

28

Kelly-Anne Drummond was born twenty-eight years ago today, on November 28, 1979. This should have been her lucky birthday—but we are not, unfortunately, so lucky. We are not lucky because she is not with us; we can not celebrate with her today. This is the fourth November 28 that has been completely hollow.

Although I can't celebrate with Kelly-Anne today, I still choose to celebrate her. This morning I set my i-pod to play some of her favourite songs: Sleepy Maggie, by Ashley MacIssac; When I'm Up, by Great Big Sea; Summer of '69, by Bryan Adams; and Stacey's Mom, by Fountains of Wayne; and Hasn't Hit Me Yet, by Blue Rodeo. None of this brings her back, but it does make me remember the good times we shared over the years.

I miss you so much, Kelly-Anne. Rest in peace.

Another Tragedy

My heartfelt condolences to the family and friends of Jayne McGowan, another lovely young woman whose life was tragically cut short in its prime this week. I remember vividly the feelings after Kelly-Anne died: immense sadness, shock, anger, lonliness, confusion, and guilt. I will be praying for the McGowan family and all those who knew and loved Jayne.

Profile of Kim Drummond in the Gazette

"It's what we do next that really matters"
By Huntley Addie
Montreal Gazette, November 1, 2007

Losing your son, daughter, sister or best friend in a hideously unjust sudden theft of life has got to be one of the most difficult things human beings face.

So what do we say to this person, our friend or ex-student or co-worker, who has experienced this horrific loss? We say we're sorry - for that is all we have. And, according to Kim Drummond, sister of Kelly-Anne Drummond, who was killed three years ago by her raging boyfriend, "You only need to say it once." We shouldn't treat the person like china; nor should we ignore them; nor treat them like they have some contagion. "For," as Kim continued, "life goes on, and we need to move with it. Who wants pity, really?" Kim asked me to tell her story, and with a smile and a shrug, she wanted: "Maybe to give some advice on what to say to the sister of the murdered chick." We laugh at the use of the word "chick." She's laughing and that's good.

Some might wonder how Kim manages to smile at all. Shouldn't she still be sobbing, depressed - locked up? "Been there, done that," is Kim's reply, and we're smiling again.

When I began at John Rennie, I was a resource teacher working with students with various different needs. I spent a lot of quality time with this caring, intelligent and yet thoroughly disenchanted young lady. High school was a struggle as grammar and math, in particular, thwarted good grades.

Yet this was not a person to wallow in the negative energy that seemed to surround her high school experiences; for she had her sister solidly in her corner, always sweeping that energy away.

After squash matches, Kim, exhausted, would often turn to Kelly Anne, pinching a semi-inch on her thigh or wherever, and say: "I'm sweating like a savage, and yet I'm still not losing weight." To which Kelly Anne would reply: "Don't go into sports to lose weight, Kim. Do it to get better at the sport!" And the words stuck.

Kim Drummond is one of the most dedicatedly selfless people I have met.

Immediately after the traumas of high school, Kim went to Dawson College, then moved to Ontario, ending up at Carleton University in women's studies. It was a tough haul for a student who had always struggled in school but, as she persevered, it soon became the best time.
And through it all, Kelly Anne was there. Kelly Anne, Kim's best friend and mentor, pushed education and athletics above all things. She read and edited Kim's papers, and rallied behind her sister if she faltered.

In October of Kim's final year of university, Kelly Anne was ripped away. After studying thousands of statistics on violent crimes against women, Kim now had her sister as an addition to the stats.

Screaming with pain inside, Kim pressed on and returned to school two weeks after her sister's murder.

"Losing Kelly Anne, losing a sibling, is the most horrible thing. It is. There is no question," Kim told me. "But what I think is most important for people to hear is that my life can still be filled with good things.

"And for the past three years I haven't locked myself in my room. I have graduated from university, worked with the MS Society, volunteered like a madwoman and continued our family tradition of always doing Christmas baskets on our own.

"I have travelled to five countries. I have continued to work at camps for the 'disadvantaged' as I have every summer for the past nine years. It didn't all stop three years ago.

"This past summer, in fact, was my proudest achievement, at Camp Moomba in Port Moody, near Vancouver. This is the only camp in Canada for kids living with, or affected by, HIV/Aids. These kids inspired me to continue pursuing nursing.

"They reminded me how we all need to continue beyond just ourselves."

Huntley Addie is an English and journalism teacher at John Rennie High School.