Thursday, September 11, 2008
Odds and Ends
This is the time of year where I always get particularly sad about Kelly-Anne's death. As soon as the leaves begin to turn and the weather gets a bit cooler I think about transitions and the fact that another year has passed without her presence in my life.
Hard to believe we’re going on four long years. That’s more than the amount of time we spent in university, and almost the same amount of time that we spent at John Rennie. November 28 has come and gone without celebrating Kell’s twenty-fifth, twenty-sixth, twenty-seventh, or (her lucky) twenty-eighth birthday. Four years since I visited Kelly-Anne’s new apartment on Pierrefonds boulevard and saw the funky paint colours she had chosen for each room. And four years since I woke up that fateful October morning to hear Kelly-Anne’s life had been cut short. It is just plain awful. And so very, very sad.
This year is made even more difficult, I think, by the fact that I am now planning a wedding Kelly-Anne can't be a part of. Every little girl dreams of her wedding and the ladies that will stand by her side as she marries her sweetheart. I have to say I can't picture that day without Kelly-Anne there to celebrate…
Friday, March 21, 2008
Parting Words
She told me the vacation was great, that she had a good time, and that Italy was wonderful. But manner in which she described her experience and the tone that she used made me aware something was wrong. She just wasn’t her usual, bubbly, excited self. It was even more obvious because we weren’t just talking about the mundane or everyday—we were talking about the trip of a lifetime.
I asked her what was wrong, and she told me she didn’t want to get into it. I expressed my sadness that things were so bad between her and Marty that she couldn’t even be excited about such an amazing trip. She told me she agreed, but there wasn’t anything she could do and that we’d talk about it later. I said that was fine and told her that I expected her next trip to be one to come and visit me! She laughed and said that was definitely next on her agenda.
Although we ended on a high note, I hung up feeling sad and upset. How could this be happening to Kelly-Anne? Who was she becoming? What exactly was going on? I had so many questions and no answers. I didn’t know then that I would never have the chance to speak with her again.
After I hung up the phone that sunny Saturday afternoon, I went downstairs and picked up my mail. Amongst the bills and junk mail there was a postcard that Kelly-Anne had sent me from Florence.
I wish I had told her how much I loved her the last time we spoke. Mentioned that she was a great girl and a wonderful person and I was so lucky to have her as my best friend. The last time I spoke with Kelly-Anne wasn’t a particularly happy occasion, but I didn’t know then that we would never again have the chance to talk.
My life changed that day. Not only will I always miss Kelly-Anne. But I’ll never again be exactly the same person I was before her death.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Montreal Barbarians host Fundraiser in honor of Kelly-Anne
This event will raise funds for the West Island Women's Shelter in memory of Kelly-Anne Drummond. For more information, please visit the Club's website here.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Old Photos
I just spent some time going through old photos and letters. So many of those photos feature my laughing, smiling, happy, silly, and carefree best friend. And those photos and the memories they depict are all I have left to remember her by. I really love going through the letters and postcards Kell sent me over the years. I'm so happy I held on to these things; it gives me joy to sit quietly and remember my friend.
But inevitably when I get to the final photo or the final postcard I feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. There isn't another photo that can be taken or letter that can be written. And that is a bitter pill to swallow.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
28
Although I can't celebrate with Kelly-Anne today, I still choose to celebrate her. This morning I set my i-pod to play some of her favourite songs: Sleepy Maggie, by Ashley MacIssac; When I'm Up, by Great Big Sea; Summer of '69, by Bryan Adams; and Stacey's Mom, by Fountains of Wayne; and Hasn't Hit Me Yet, by Blue Rodeo. None of this brings her back, but it does make me remember the good times we shared over the years.
I miss you so much, Kelly-Anne. Rest in peace.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Another Tragedy
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Profile of Kim Drummond in the Gazette
By Huntley Addie
Montreal Gazette, November 1, 2007
Losing your son, daughter, sister or best friend in a hideously unjust sudden theft of life has got to be one of the most difficult things human beings face.
So what do we say to this person, our friend or ex-student or co-worker, who has experienced this horrific loss? We say we're sorry - for that is all we have. And, according to Kim Drummond, sister of Kelly-Anne Drummond, who was killed three years ago by her raging boyfriend, "You only need to say it once." We shouldn't treat the person like china; nor should we ignore them; nor treat them like they have some contagion. "For," as Kim continued, "life goes on, and we need to move with it. Who wants pity, really?" Kim asked me to tell her story, and with a smile and a shrug, she wanted: "Maybe to give some advice on what to say to the sister of the murdered chick." We laugh at the use of the word "chick." She's laughing and that's good.
Some might wonder how Kim manages to smile at all. Shouldn't she still be sobbing, depressed - locked up? "Been there, done that," is Kim's reply, and we're smiling again.
When I began at John Rennie, I was a resource teacher working with students with various different needs. I spent a lot of quality time with this caring, intelligent and yet thoroughly disenchanted young lady. High school was a struggle as grammar and math, in particular, thwarted good grades.
Yet this was not a person to wallow in the negative energy that seemed to surround her high school experiences; for she had her sister solidly in her corner, always sweeping that energy away.
After squash matches, Kim, exhausted, would often turn to Kelly Anne, pinching a semi-inch on her thigh or wherever, and say: "I'm sweating like a savage, and yet I'm still not losing weight." To which Kelly Anne would reply: "Don't go into sports to lose weight, Kim. Do it to get better at the sport!" And the words stuck.
Kim Drummond is one of the most dedicatedly selfless people I have met.
Immediately after the traumas of high school, Kim went to Dawson College, then moved to Ontario, ending up at Carleton University in women's studies. It was a tough haul for a student who had always struggled in school but, as she persevered, it soon became the best time.
And through it all, Kelly Anne was there. Kelly Anne, Kim's best friend and mentor, pushed education and athletics above all things. She read and edited Kim's papers, and rallied behind her sister if she faltered.
In October of Kim's final year of university, Kelly Anne was ripped away. After studying thousands of statistics on violent crimes against women, Kim now had her sister as an addition to the stats.
Screaming with pain inside, Kim pressed on and returned to school two weeks after her sister's murder.
"Losing Kelly Anne, losing a sibling, is the most horrible thing. It is. There is no question," Kim told me. "But what I think is most important for people to hear is that my life can still be filled with good things.
"And for the past three years I haven't locked myself in my room. I have graduated from university, worked with the MS Society, volunteered like a madwoman and continued our family tradition of always doing Christmas baskets on our own.
"I have travelled to five countries. I have continued to work at camps for the 'disadvantaged' as I have every summer for the past nine years. It didn't all stop three years ago.
"This past summer, in fact, was my proudest achievement, at Camp Moomba in Port Moody, near Vancouver. This is the only camp in Canada for kids living with, or affected by, HIV/Aids. These kids inspired me to continue pursuing nursing.
"They reminded me how we all need to continue beyond just ourselves."
Huntley Addie is an English and journalism teacher at John Rennie High School.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Three years.

Friday, January 19, 2007
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Beyond keeping the memory of my dear friend alive, one of the things that I hope this blog will do in the future is help other people who may be facing similar situations. I will never forget how I felt when Kell was murdered. The sadness, anger, disbelief, and pain were overwhelming. I vividly remember constantly feeling lost and hopeless—blaming myself, blaming others around me, even blaming Kelly-Anne herself. These emotions were always there, but it was only when life began to return to normal, and when I began discovering that my normal was forever altered, that they became completely overwhelming.
I can remember wondering how I would ever go on without Kell? How could I possibly be expected to live a normal life again when something so tragic happened? I can remember hours spent in front of my computer desperately hoping that I might find a resource to help me. I knew there were grief counselors and therapists, but they weren’t going to change what happened—no one could bring Kell back. What I was really searching for was a person going through the same thing I was. I think I probably googled thousands of things ranging from “coping with murder” to “how do you deal with the loss of your best friend” and couldn’t find anything that I was really looking for.
I hope this website might be that resource for others. I hope that through my writings I will show that though Kelly-Anne is something that can never be replaced, the pain of the loss will eventually subside somewhat. At first, the grief is so completely overwhelming you can’t begin to understand how your life will ever go on. I vividly remember, maybe a few weeks after Kell was killed, my dad telling me that one day my pain won’t be as raw as it is now. Though he was absolutely right, it actually made me feel worse. If I accepted that the pain wouldn’t always be this bad it might actually mean I was accepting that she really was never coming back. And that, of course, was something I couldn’t really accept.
I could never really find what I was searching for. I wanted someone to tell me what it was like coping with murder. I understood losing people because of illness and tragic accidents, but murder was a completely different ball game. How could someone have decided to take her life? Why should she have suffered such a horrendous fate? Did she know exactly how much she was loved even though none of us got to say goodbye? How could I have spent time with someone who was capable of killing another human being?
Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t have answers to most of these questions, but I have learned to deal with them day by day.
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Un-happy Anniversary

Today is the second anniversary of the terrible attack that claimed Kelly-Anne Drummond’s life. Two years ago today, she went from being a vibrant twenty-four year old with a whole life ahead of her to another tragic statistic. Twenty-four months ago all of our lives changed forever.
There have been many unhappy moments in the last two years. Learning to cope with the grief, intense sadness, anger, rage, disbelief, and pain of losing a daughter, sister, and friend has consumed us. We know we will never be the same again, because we know that the place Kelly-Anne occupied in our lives can never be filled by anything else.
In death, Kelly-Anne’s legacy was stolen from us. She became a statistic—just another woman murdered in 2004 by a boyfriend. But she was so much more than that, as is each woman who suffers this fate. Kelly-Anne was an intelligent, athletic, devoted, patriotic, adventurous, humorous, and loving friend. She meant the world to those who knew her.
Thank you for taking the time to remember Kelly-Anne. Today we not only mourn our loss, but also celebrate her life.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Press Clippings--Part XXXXI
By: Sue Montgomery
The Gazette, April 21, 2006
Martin Morin-Cousineau caught his girlfriend off guard, attacking her from behind and plunging a steak knife into her neck.
Such violence, especially against women, is unacceptable, Superior Court Justice Claude Champagne said yesterday in ruling Kelly-Anne Drummond's killer will have no chance for parole until he has served 13 years in prison.
Last week, a jury found Morin-Cousineau, 32, guilty of second-degree murder, which carries an automatic life sentence.
The defence had asked for the minimum parole eligibility of 10 years, but the judge went with the Crown's request.
Given that the jurisprudence for parole eligibility in similar cases is 12 or 13 years, the Drummonds were satisfied with the decision.
"Our only wish now is that he gets the help he needs so that if and when he does leave prison, he will be somewhat rehabilitated ... and will never hurt another woman," Doreen Haddad Drummond said.
A teary Micheline Morin-Cousineau, who has been in the courtroom every day since the trial began March 6, said 13 years "is an enormous amount of time."
She continued to back her son's claim that the death was an accident and said the family plans to appeal the verdict.
"It's impossible that he put a knife in Kelly-Anne's neck," she said.
"He's cried over her death ever since Oct. 4."
Drummond, a popular athlete, lifeguard and graduate of Concordia University, was found in a pool of blood Oct. 3, 2004, on the kitchen floor of the apartment she shared with Morin-Cousineau.
The couple had been fighting over $30 owed to their landlord, when Morin-Cousineau got fed up with the "nagging."
He said that when he threw his hands up in frustration, the knife with which he had been eating flew into the air, stabbing Drummond in the back of the neck.
She then slipped on a 7-Up bottle and fell against the stove, which shoved the knife farther into her skull, he said.
Morin-Cousineau's fatal blow immediately turned Drummond, 24, into a quadriplegic and left her unable to breathe on her own. Her family decided to remove life support Oct. 5.
Champagne said Morin-Cousineau has difficulty controlling his anger in relationships with women, and has had a restraining order placed against him by another woman.
"He followed, without success in my opinion, an anger-management training course, and his mother admitted that he often took out his frustrations at home by hitting the walls with his fists and feet," he wrote.
The judge told the Drummonds now that court proceedings were over, he hoped they could move to the next stage of mourning
smontgomery@thegazette.canwest.com
Saturday, April 15, 2006
Editorial about Kelly-Anne
Why couldn't the lifeguard save her own life?
By Jack Todd
The Gazette, April 15, 2006
Through a grim coincidence, the Supreme Court of Canada refused Thursday to hear the appeal of convicted killer Tommy Kane, the erstwhile football star sentenced to 18 years in prison for the manslaughter of his wife, Tammy Shaikh, stabbed to death with a kitchen knife.
The same day, sentencing arguments were heard in Montreal for convicted killer Martin Morin-Cousineau, found guilty earlier in the week in the murder of Kelly-Anne Drummond. In the Drummond case, she was the athlete but even her strength and athleticism were not enough to save her from being stabbed in the back of the neck with a steak knife.
There are other parallels: both men proclaiming their innocence and offering excuses so convoluted that they would be ludicrous in another setting. Families shattered, women slaughtered, men unrepentant: That the story line has aged a few millennia makes it no less painful.
The superb reporting of colleague Sue Montgomery has already told all you need to know about Drummond's death and Morin-Cousineau's trial. To extend sympathy to the Drummond family is a hollow gesture - there are acts so heinous that they mock human kindness and reduce our best impulses to the theatre of the inadequate.
The massacre of 14 women at the Ecole Polytechnique in December 1989 first brought home this truth. No words were adequate to describe the horror, no sympathy sufficient, no outrage equal to the magnitude of the crime. Millions of words have been expended on the murders committed by Marc Lepine in that awful winter and no writer has edged close to the black heart of the matter.
And yet even Lepine was in one sense less evil than Kane and Morin-Cousineau. Lepine slaughtered strangers: his weapon spewed death to people he had never met and never would. Kane and Morin-Cousineau killed their partners.
Therein lies what Hannah Arendt, writing on the Nazi criminal Adolf Eichmann, called the banality of evil. That crime, the murder of a spouse, partner or loved one, is so appallingly common that it is banal, suburban, commonplace.
Perhaps you saw the statistics in the Gazette story written by Katherine Wilton this week: In 2005, 14 out of 22 women who were murdered in Quebec were killed by a boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend or a member of their family. In 2004, 23 out of 30 women who were killed were attacked by a man they knew. When Drummond was murdered in October 2004, she was one of four women to die at the hands of men in Quebec in an eight-day stretch.
There is no point giving equal time to the noisy men's lobby which insists that poor, put-upon males are victims as well; in 85 per cent of all domestic violence cases, the victim is the woman.
If the same brutal tally involved politicians, say, or lawyers or journalists, the outcry would reverberate through the land. Yet for reasons buried in some atavistic failure to recognize women as fully paid-up members of the human race, we tolerate the abuse, rape, harassment and murder of females as one of those regrettable but unavoidable aspects of life.
Police attitudes have improved since 1989, judges are far more aware of the need to protect women from violent or threatening men but the toll does not ease. The fight for gun control did lead to a limited and unsatisfactory form of gun control and the bureaucratic apparatus of the gun registry.
But men go right on stabbing women to death even in this province, where the massacre created unparalleled awareness of the need to protect women from violent men.
The troubling question at the heart of the Drummond murder is why such a strong, athletic, apparently confident young woman would remain in a relationship in which she had been threatened, why the life-saving champion could not save herself: Morin-Cousineau threatened to hurt Drummond's friends if she watched the 2003 Grey Cup game with them. Before she flew to Italy shortly before her murder, Drummond confided to a friend that Morin-Cousineau had threatened to murder her if she made the trip.
Again and again her parents, suspecting something wrong, tried to intervene; again and again, Drummond held them at arm's length.
"I don't know what we could have done to avoid this," Haddad-Drummond said this week. "There are things I did see, but I had never experienced conjugal violence myself. If I knew then what I know now, I think Kelly-Anne would be alive. But what could I do? I couldn't kidnap her."
Yet it may have to come to that. Is there not some point at which parents ought to be able to kidnap their own child, just as they would if she was being held by a cult?
It's a drastic step, but so is murder. Perhaps the solution lies in direct action to free women from such situations.
It may have to come to such an interventionist approach because somehow, we are still not conditioning young women in our society to refuse to subordinate themselves to cruel, vindictive, abusive or threatening males. There is too often a lack of self-esteem in play which makes it impossible for some women to insist that such behaviour is unacceptable and to walk out at the first hint of violence.
Tammy Shaikh, the mother of Kane's four children, was killed while trying to help her husband by persuading him to enter a drug-rehab facility. Drummond was murdered while trying to preserve a relationship that was not worth having.
Forget making sense of their deaths: it can't be done. To prevent such atrocities in the future - well, perhaps it can't be done, either.
But for Tammy Shaikh and Kelly-Anne Drummond and thousands of other victims of domestic violence perpetrated by men against women, we have to try.
jtodd@thegazette.canwest.com
Press Clippings--Part XXXX
Mothers on opposite sides of tragedy: Sentence hearing. 'My son is not an assassin'
By Sue Montgomery
The Gazette, April 13, 2006
They are two mothers in excruciating emotional pain, trying to come to terms with the violent end of their children's romance.
But when it comes to how Martin Morin-Cousineau should be punished for killing Kelly-Anne Drummond, the two women could not be farther apart.
"I believe a life in hell in the gallows of prison for the rest of his life would be the ultimate punishment. He can live each day in hell, being reminded of Kelly-Anne and the beautiful life he destroyed," Doreen Haddad-Drummond told Superior Court as she read from her victim impact statement during sentencing arguments yesterday.
Micheline Morin-Cousineau, breaking her silence for the first time since her son's second-degree murder trial began March 20, told the court she believes the death was an accident.
On Monday, a jury found Martin Morin-Cousineau, 32, guilty of stabbing Kelly-Anne Drummond, 24, in the back of the neck on Oct. 3, 2004. He faces a life sentence with no chance of parole for at least 10 years.
"We were always there for him, no matter what," Micheline Morin-Cousineau told the court, tears filling her son's eyes as he sat shackled in the prisoner's box. It was the first emotion he'd shown since his trial began.
"My son is not an assassin. My son is not a murderer."
After finding they couldn't have children, she and her husband, Jean Cousineau, adopted Martin and his brother Michel from an orphanage near Riviere des Prairies when the boys were just 15 months and 21/2 years old, respectively.
Yesterday, she wondered aloud why her son, who had started life in a prison of sorts, would now spend the better part of his adulthood in another jail.
The couple sent their boys to private schools. Growing up in Pierrefonds, they learned to speak English while playing on the street and on hockey teams.
At age 12, Martin went to France on an exchange program - a trip "that changed his life," his parents say. Later, he would spend a summer travelling and working odd jobs in Europe.
He attended John Abbott College, then started a degree in business administration at either Concordia or McGill University - his mother wasn't sure which. Finally in 2003, he landed his "dream job" as a travel agent.
Drummond's death resulted from an argument she and Morin-Cousineau had over $30 owed to their landlord. The couple had just moved into a Pierrefonds apartment that August.
Morin-Cousineau maintained the steak knife he was using to eat dinner flew into the air when he threw up his hands in frustration. The next thing he heard was a thump, then glass shattering.
When he ran to the kitchen, Kelly-Anne was lying face-up in a pool of blood on the floor. A brain scan later revealed a 9.5-centimetre blade embedded in her neck. She died Oct. 5.
There were sniffles and sobs in the courtroom yesterday in what was arguably the most emotional day of the trial. Kim Drummond took the stand and spoke publicly about the death of her sister, born 11 months to the day before her.
"The day I walked into the hospital room and found my sister hopeless and lying in the bed ... my parents screaming for her to wake up - this is a constant image that will never leave my mind."
The Drummonds' only surviving child said she worries about her parents.
"It scares me to accept the fact my parents will get older and sadder at times, and it's only me now that has to help them.
"I honestly don't feel I can provide as much strength and courage as everyone says I have."
Crown prosecutor Helene Di Salvo, asking for no parole for at least 13 years, listed conjugal violence cases in which women were shot, stabbed or strangled. Superior Court has been setting parole eligibility at about 12 years in such cases, she said.
Di Salvo noted the jury that found Morin-Cousineau guilty recommended no parole for 15 years - something the judge is not bound to accept.
Defence lawyer Nellie Benoit, asking for the minimum eligibility of 10 years, said Drummond died during an impulsive act.
"There was one knife, not 15, not five, but one," she said. "She wasn't tortured for hours. It was instantaneous. ... He called 911, he didn't disappear to Mexico or cut her into 15 pieces, or hide the body or the knife.
"It's sad, but it could have been worse."
When Di Salvo questioned Benoit's take on violence, Justice Claude Champagne interjected: "At the end of the day, Madame Drummond is dead."
The judge is to render his sentence Thursday.
smontgomery@thegazette.canwest.com
Press Clippings--Part XXXIX
By Katherine Wilton
The Gazette, April 12, 2006
After Martin Morin-Cousineau threatened to hurt Kelly-Anne Drummond's friends if she watched the 2003 Grey Cup game with them, her mother suggested she go to her local police station to find out whether he had a criminal record. After a brief visit to a station on the West Island, Drummond told her parents Morin-Cousineau had parking violations.
Privacy laws prevented the Montreal police from telling Drummond her boyfriend had been charged and acquitted of uttering death threats earlier that year, and that he was prevented from possessing weapons.
On Monday, a jury convicted Morin-Cousineau of stabbing Drummond to death in October 2004.
Drummond could have learned about Morin-Cousineau's previous run-ins with the law if she had made a trip to the Montreal courthouse, where anyone can access criminal or civil records."The court records are public," said Anne Proulx, director of the courthouse clerk's office in Montreal
Drummond's mother, Doreen Haddad-Drummond, said yesterday women who fear their partners might be violent should go to the court-house to see if they have criminal records.
In fact, Giovanni Diamente, who works at the information desk at the main courthouse in Old Montreal, said he is often asked by women whether it is possible to verify whether their partners have criminal records.
"That is 'the question' that we get here," Diamente said. "I get at least two requests a day."
Anyone seeking information on someone's criminal background is sent across the hall to the criminal court clerk's office, where staff members look up the information on a court computer and provide rudimentary explanations of what is in the file.
Other crimes, such as assault and drunk driving, may be handled by local municipal courts, which are also open to the public.
Martin Dufresne, who heads a group called Montreal Men Against Sexism, urged victims of conjugal violence to seek help immediately if they are threatened, because it is often their partners who end up killing them.
Last year, 14 out of 22 women who were murdered in Quebec were killed by a boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend or a member of their family. In 2004, 23 out of 30 women who were killed were attacked by a man they knew.
kwilton@thegazette.canwest.com

