tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-95969312024-03-05T21:00:09.168-05:00Remembering a Friend...Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.comBlogger190125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-19281200779671816542020-10-06T20:07:00.005-04:002020-10-06T20:07:57.602-04:00Go, Doreen!<p>I was so excited to read <a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/kelly-anne-drummond-legacy-1.5746033">this great piece</a> by Doreen Haddad, Kelly-Anne's mother. </p><p>Head on over and read it... Side note... Kelly-Anne loved CBC. <br /></p><p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8K4Esi6aZcMnygPnvWt_WgsjdA4zTMkRdM_Fv4k5I2UwezcGZE94TQKmiO2IRlXwt7td1XUfXOJBtihmqfnoTOsJEmzD3uMM_yWLFRxRmPU5WWbx80CqIWf5sUrJMpJkmni5MyQ/s780/doreen-haddad-and-kelly-anne-drummond.webp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="439" data-original-width="780" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh8K4Esi6aZcMnygPnvWt_WgsjdA4zTMkRdM_Fv4k5I2UwezcGZE94TQKmiO2IRlXwt7td1XUfXOJBtihmqfnoTOsJEmzD3uMM_yWLFRxRmPU5WWbx80CqIWf5sUrJMpJkmni5MyQ/s320/doreen-haddad-and-kelly-anne-drummond.webp" width="320" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p><a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/kelly-anne-drummond-legacy-1.5746033">https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/kelly-anne-drummond-legacy-1.5746033</a><br /></p>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-23292539226429707702020-10-03T11:17:00.004-04:002020-10-03T14:54:19.802-04:00<p>When I learned Kelly-Anne had been stabbed and was in the hospital in early October 2004, my legs went out from under me as I sunk to the floor. Things only got worse as I realized she was brain dead and wouldn't recover. </p><p></p><p>I thought that I'd never get through it at the time. That none of us would get through it. The grief was just so overwhelming and all encompassing. When your best friend is murdered at 24, it changes your perspective forever. </p><p>Time has marched on, and every year the first days of October sneak up on me, bringing a fresh wave of grief as I remember all that was lost that day so many years ago. </p><p>This year, I want to give a shout out to the Concordia Stingers, who have chosen to honor Kelly-Anne's memory as they always do, with the Kelly-Anne Drummond Cup (with a virtual twist courtesy of COVID). </p><p>These young women were just little girls when Kelly-Anne lost her life. They didn't know her personally. But they still try to get her story out there. And they are inspired by her legacy more than 20 years ago on her team. This year they've even produced a video explaining what they are up to. And frankly, that's the kind of thing Kell would have done, which makes it all the sweeter. <br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-V-6nuTpA4jy8_oyHj3ftssaVCyVjVQEYgO08E8w41uF0L2l2Zuyr_seHDOkE98-roW9IOvzbADAirn6aganc4Ft_gbfgMKd64SSsclxCp6hp_omYdFsZra-e1BtNx0Oz9ZJXHA/s683/Kell+Rugby+II+.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="377" data-original-width="683" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-V-6nuTpA4jy8_oyHj3ftssaVCyVjVQEYgO08E8w41uF0L2l2Zuyr_seHDOkE98-roW9IOvzbADAirn6aganc4Ft_gbfgMKd64SSsclxCp6hp_omYdFsZra-e1BtNx0Oz9ZJXHA/s320/Kell+Rugby+II+.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi96uNQ0Utp5A8ZCQy0Im1Z9NWMgoprMd02NDKsrePB9MEd8WFt-vlUsEGlSkPp0h7oFNmvHF-aoA8ttAQg92DMcHqQcf1POBzysFEs7Gr_XylTSLZ55FiQ00b1zyKFHoP8mYVphA/s1507/Kell+Rugby+Concordia.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="865" data-original-width="1507" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi96uNQ0Utp5A8ZCQy0Im1Z9NWMgoprMd02NDKsrePB9MEd8WFt-vlUsEGlSkPp0h7oFNmvHF-aoA8ttAQg92DMcHqQcf1POBzysFEs7Gr_XylTSLZ55FiQ00b1zyKFHoP8mYVphA/s320/Kell+Rugby+Concordia.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrjb4KYrZD9n2zf7s_zBZEiHD6ott-niIW4dT86_kmO7Ie0R40vplPP_kggownJAdE4M5cdylhxjCjPC9stcHhc_IDROI2E8MoR0vwajrO9S-56ProuFLXKhexMYB2fFAs2bmvPA/s677/Kell+Rugby+III+.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="375" data-original-width="677" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrjb4KYrZD9n2zf7s_zBZEiHD6ott-niIW4dT86_kmO7Ie0R40vplPP_kggownJAdE4M5cdylhxjCjPC9stcHhc_IDROI2E8MoR0vwajrO9S-56ProuFLXKhexMYB2fFAs2bmvPA/s320/Kell+Rugby+III+.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><p>You can watch the full video on Facebook <a href="https://www.facebook.com/mahalia.robinson/videos/3343007499075715" target="_blank">here</a>. </p><p>Thank you to the Concordia Women's Rugby team for keeping Kelly-Anne's memory alive so many years later.</p>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-75294672826884188862019-10-03T12:01:00.000-04:002019-10-03T12:03:16.913-04:00Fifteen<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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A decade and a half has passed since the day Martin Morin-Cousineau took Kelly-Anne Drummond's life. In one final act of violence, he stabbed her in the head with a steak knife, effectively rendering her brain dead. She was removed from life support on October 5 and died shortly thereafter. <br />
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She was 24. <br />
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So many good things have happened over the past 15 years, for all of us. But the shadow of Kell's tragic death is a a haunting specter that looms large. She is still missed by those who loved her. And she missed out on experiencing so much that I know would have brought her great joy. Weddings, babies, careers, sporting achievements, and many other milestones.<br />
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I think of Kelly-Anne all the time. I wonder what she'd be doing. I talk about her too. It's a little uncomfortable to bring up such a tragic event from so long ago with people who didn't know her, but I often feel compelled. I like to say her name. <br />
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No one is guaranteed a tomorrow. That is a cruel reality of life. Losing Kelly-Anne so tragically at such a young age was a formative experience for me. I try to remember that I don't know how many tomorrows God will give me and to live each day like I would if it was my last.<br />
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I don't always succeed. I have some regrets. But mostly I've tried to work hard, do something that matters, be principled, love those around me, and be loyal. These are things that I know she would love.<br />
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I think, too, about forgiveness. <br />
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I might be thinking more of forgiveness because I watched the trial and conviction this week of Amber Guyger, the Dallas police officer who entered the wrong apartment and tragically shot to death Botham Jean, an innocent, unarmed man sitting in his own home. Completely terrible, tragic, and senseless. So many things went wrong for this police officer to not realize she entered the WRONG apartment and then kill the person sitting there. Horrendous, to say the least.<br />
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But take a look at what Botham Jean's brother, Brandt, shared during his victim impact statement. <br />
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/oxOdgWGEDOE" width="560"></iframe><br />
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Would you be able to express this kind of love and compassion for someone who shot and killed your beloved brother for no reason? I certainly could not have. But it is clear that the murderer made a tragic, inexplicable mistake and for which she has expressed shame and remorse. She has said repeatedly she wishes it was her who was killed that day. <br />
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To my knowledge, Morin-Cousineau still denies responsibility for
Kelly-Anne's murder. He has never expressed remorse or asked for
forgiveness. I find that so sad. How could you be unrepentant for 15 years? Is he so troubled as to be unable to accept responsibility for his actions, even as he pays his debt to society? He appealed his conviction. That appeal was denied. Yet, he still denies responsibility. <br />
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There should be a very high price for what he did. He took the life of a vibrant, innocent 24 year old in cold blood. The price for that crime should be life imprisonment. Instead he is already eligible for parole. He doesn't deserve the chance to harm anyone else--now or ever. <br />
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At Martin's last parole hearing, the commissioner of the parole board asked him "what would Kelly-Anne say if she were here?" His tone-deaf response was "I hope she would say good things about me." Kelly-Anne was indeed a loving person. She believed in giving people the benefit of doubt. She was trusting. She would turn the other cheek. But she did not expect to have her life taken from her on October 3, 2004, by a man who professed to love her. And she would not hesitate to say that he should not be given the chance to harm anyone else. <br />
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I do not wish the man who killed Kelly-Anne ill. I hope he rebuilds his life, to the extent possible from behind bars, and seeks treatment for the violence and anger problems that caused him to harm Kelly-Anne in the first place. After she was murdered, her family and I heard from a number of people who had experienced anger problems and violence from this man. While I don't believe he can be trusted to be in society again, I hope he finds peace, seeks forgiveness, and develops a real relationship with God. <br />
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It won't, of course, bring back Kelly-Anne. But maybe it would bring a little more peace for those who loved her.<br />
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Rest in peace, Kelly-Anne. You are never forgotten. <br />
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<iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/FqL18K3CrDY" width="560"></iframe> Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-26853511259612910982017-07-12T19:05:00.001-04:002017-07-12T19:05:09.739-04:001997Kell and I went through school together--from kindergarten through high school. Strangely, we were only in the same class once. Third grade. It was a memorable year. <br />
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I can remember when Kell and I were little, pouring over our parents' dusty yearbooks. We read the messages and looked at the photos and found it all hilarious. Kell decided then that once we got to high school she would write messages in our yearbooks for our kids. It was pretty goofy, but something I'm enormously happy she did now. <br />
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I was home recently and decided to pull out my own dusty yearbooks. I was so happy to see Kell's messages. Here is the one she wrote in our final yearbook, complete with colorful illustrations. <br />
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She had so many hopes and dreams. Travel, career, love, children. So optimistic about the future. "If I move away, just look for me on TV or on the radio or in the newspaper." That was classic Kelly-Anne.<br />
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Thanks for being the best friend I ever had, Kell. I miss you. Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-180345209017176812016-10-04T18:12:00.001-04:002016-10-04T18:12:07.266-04:00TwelveThis is a sad week for all of us who knew and loved Kelly-Anne. When the calendar turns to October, we our forced to confront the reality of what happened this week 12 years ago when Kelly-Anne was taken from us. <br />
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The reality is, we all still miss her every day. But we still find a way to find joy in our lives. Which is what Kelly-Anne would want. <br />
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And we see things that remind us of Kell on a daily basis. A beautiful ocean. A group of girls playing rugby. Concordia University's campus. A lifeguard. Someone with beautiful dark curly hair. Small but significant things that make us smile and remember our dear friend. <br />
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I can't really believe I've been keeping this blog for twelve years and that's how long Kell has been gone. Sometimes it seems like it was just yesterday when I was hanging out with her in Montreal for the last time. But so much has happened. She's missed out on so much of our lives. But, more importantly, she missed out on so much of her own adventure. <br />
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We'll never get the pleasure of seeing how Kell's life turned out, which is a terrible tragedy. But we're grateful for each and every day we got to spend with her during her time on earth.<br />
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We love and miss you, Kelly-Anne. <br />
<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-79357444552296962022015-10-05T08:31:00.000-04:002015-10-05T08:33:20.041-04:00Today<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">A darkness falls at this time of year that I never quite anticipate before it arrives. It catches me when I don't expect it. Eating at the edges of my happiness. Crowding out the light. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">The calendar changes to October. I remember what's been lost. The last postcard. The last phone call. The last visit. The last conversation. The last day. Her last breath. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Kelly Anne died at 24. She took her last breath on this day eleven years ago. She had a great life but yet never had the chance to do so very much. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Kelly-Anne was loyal and hardworking. She was funny and adventurous. She was determined and friendly. She was spontaneous and selfless. She cared about people around her and invested her community. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">She was there for me in good times and bad my whole life. We were neighbors, classmates, best friends. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I miss her. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">There's a void in my life that only she could fill. She can never be replaced. Kelly-Anne brought me joy and adventure for twenty years of friendship. She was like the sister I never had. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">I wonder sometimes what she'd think of all she has missed. I'm sure she'd be proud of how we managed and delighted we have tried to keep her memory alive. I know she'd be OVER THE MOON to be an aunt to beautiful Paige and proud of the woman, wife, and mother Kimmy has become. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">My memories of Kelly-Anne are some of my most treasured. I laugh sometimes when I think of a silly adventure. Once in a while I see someone with her amazing curls and I smile. I catch my breath when a friend says something in the same way she would have.</span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Oh, and I watch the video we made for her funeral. It no longer causes me to cry every single time I see it. Sometimes I can even laugh and smile at the memories. I watch the end and listen to her voice and see her face light up as she talks about the adventure to Italy just before she died. </span><br />
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<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;">Kell ran a good race. She fought the good fight. Her time on this earth was short but she left an indelible impression on those around her. </span><br />
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<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-24108269445231908052014-10-03T15:35:00.002-04:002014-10-03T15:38:02.552-04:00TEN<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<br />
Ten years ago today, Kelly-Anne Drummond was murdered.<br />
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October 3, 2004, was a day that none of us will ever forget. For those of us who loved her, it felt like our hearts were ripped from our chests. Losing someone you love is never easy, but losing someone you love to a preventable violent act committed by someone who supposedly loved her is unbearable. <br />
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In the days and weeks that followed Kell's death there were many times I thought I wouldn't be able to go on. The pain and sorrow I felt were immense. There was also a sense of guilt. Each passing minute, hour, day, and year were a reminder of how lucky I was to be alive--and a reminder of Kelly-Anne being gone.<br />
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And so, Kelly-Anne is frozen in my mind at age twenty-four. I didn't have a chance to see how her life would turn out. Because it was cut so tragically short. Sometimes I think about the adventures I know we would have had together. Sometimes I think of who she would have married, how many kids she would have had, and what she would be doing with her career. Sometimes I wonder what it would have been like to have her standing by my side at my wedding, serving as my maid of honor, just like she should have.<br />
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I still miss Kelly-Anne as much today as I did ten years ago. But somehow it is different. The feelings aren't as raw or intense. But this kind of tragedy sure can help you figure out who your real friends are. Who are the people in your life who would go out of their way for you if you experienced a loss, illness, or other difficulty? Who are the people in your life who would simply fade away because they were unable (or unwilling) to help?<br />
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Perhaps most importantly: What kind of person are you?<br />
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Coincidentally, this is my 200th post on this blog. Thank you all for reading along and helping keep Kelly-Anne's memory alive these past ten years. The photos, stories, tributes, etc. are much appreciated. <br />
<br />
Finally, if you have a moment today, please say a prayer for Kelly-Anne. And please pray for her family as they mark the tenth anniversary of this tragedy. <br />
<br />
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<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-20132192525499864622014-07-28T11:14:00.003-04:002014-07-28T11:16:15.706-04:00Adventure through TravelI ran across <a href="http://thoughtcatalog.com/kellie-donnelly/2014/07/the-hardest-part-about-traveling-no-one-talks-about/" target="_blank">this interesting piece</a> in <i>Thought Catalog</i> about the benefits--and drawbacks--of travel and adventure. It made me think about Kelly-Anne's San Diego experience. <br />
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After completing her coursework for her bachelor's degree, Kell was looking for a change of scenery. Jobs in her chosen field of communications were hard to come by and things on the home front felt unsettled. So left Montreal for a few months, traveling to San Diego with her dear friends Caro and Martin to live, work, and adventure. She loved the experience and had a wonderful time. While she was there she worked for a catering company, trained for her lifeguarding competitions, and dated a boy she met from England. <br />
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All in all, it was a pretty big adventure for Kell! <br />
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But then it was time to come home.<br />
<br />
And reality came crashing down. Everything Kell had left behind in Montreal was still exactly how she left. Jobs in her field still weren't plentiful and things on the home front were not as she had imagined. Good friends were moving into different stages of life (either in jobs, relationships, or school). Readjusting to life in her hometown was not easy--I can vividly remember talking to Kell during this time period about how she hoped things would change when she was away and how disappointing she was upon her return.<br />
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Eventually, it all settled down and Kell was back into the swing of things. But I definitely think she would have related to article posted in <i>Thought Catalog. </i><br />
<br />
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<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-90057023580940540582014-07-24T09:57:00.000-04:002014-07-24T09:58:32.956-04:00Circle of LifeKelly-Anne loved children. Before her death she was a teacher at a noted preschool on the West Island. She taught them to swim. She taught them to learn. She taught them to adventure. She taught them to play air guitar. She taught them to love life. <br />
<br />
She loved all kids--big and small--and they loved her just as much.<br />
<br />
I think it is safe to say that there's no kid she would have loved more than her beautiful niece, Paige.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Paige pays a visit to Auntie Kell's grave. Very sad, of course--but but beautiful as well. Photo courtesy of Paige's mom. </i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Paige will grow up knowing all about her beloved Aunt Kelly-Anne. Her mother, Kim, and her grandparents, John and Doreen, will make sure hears about Kell. I will show her the messages Kell wrote to our future kids in my yearbook. We will make sure Paige knows what Kell looked like, what she acted like, what she believed in, what motivated her, and how much she would have loved her beautiful little niece.<br />
<br />
They'll tell her stories, show her photos, teach her lessons, and honor her memory. And that's the way it should be. It is important to speak of the dead. They should not be forgotten and it is the duty of the living to make sure that is so.<br />
<br />
I believe we should also pray for the dead and I have not forgotten Kelly-Anne in my prayers these last ten years. <br />
<br />
If you aren't sure how to pray for the dead. Here's a pretty good start. From <a href="http://www.catholic.org/prayers/prayer.php?p=805" target="_blank">Catholic Online</a>. <br />
<br />
<i>God our Father, <br />
Your power brings us to birth, <br />
Your providence guides our lives, <br />
and by Your command we return to dust.<br /><br />
Lord, those who die still live in Your presence, <br />
their lives change but do not end. <br />
I pray in hope for my family, <br />
relatives and friends, <br />
and for all the dead known to You alone. <br /><br />
In company with Christ, <br />
Who died and now lives, <br />
may they rejoice in Your kingdom, <br />
where all our tears are wiped away. <br />
Unite us together again in one family, <br />
to sing Your praise forever and ever.<br /><br />
Amen.
</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-52355553941386765272014-07-23T18:46:00.002-04:002014-07-23T18:46:22.484-04:00Summer Lovin'<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW7aZnej7U6SVaSijbIbixInxUG-laiR1KC8UWtp71rXoaNDGsTxwoGC1nxlGW117oacUF7YBxxflkxaL4MSLryQcPY7cyMTXNXLbIWncvzXWHTTNL-dKC8gKZtxRrCyB7lm8WjQ/s1600/KAD+and+KAD+Adventuring.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW7aZnej7U6SVaSijbIbixInxUG-laiR1KC8UWtp71rXoaNDGsTxwoGC1nxlGW117oacUF7YBxxflkxaL4MSLryQcPY7cyMTXNXLbIWncvzXWHTTNL-dKC8gKZtxRrCyB7lm8WjQ/s1600/KAD+and+KAD+Adventuring.JPG" height="400" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Kell and Kim after and evening of adventuring in Montreal.</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Another summer has rolled around and it is hard to believe we've reached 2014--the tenth anniversary of Kell's death. <br />
<br />
So much has changed in all of our lives. And throughout it all we've missed Kelly-Anne. She would have rejoiced in the good things and mourned the bad things and been there to support her family and many friends. <br />
<br />
We've all found ways--big and small--to keep her memory alive. <br />
<br />
As we head toward the tenth anniversary of Kell's death, please stay tuned for a series of posts that try to honor her memory in the best way I know how. Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-69222627078408407592013-12-11T14:36:00.000-05:002013-12-11T14:36:18.409-05:00Advent reflectionsI l<i>ove</i> Christmas and I love the lead up to it as well. I love the deep and meaningful scripture readings, the carols and hymns, the decorations, the baking, the gingerbread houses, the purple robes at mass, the advent wreaths and candles. The list goes on. <br />
<br />
I <i>don't love </i>the business, the commercialism, the stress, or the running around. But frankly it is a small price to pay for a beautiful season. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>2013 Gingerbread Creations--tree by my mommy and house by me</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
I wish Kell was here to celebrate Advent with me just like old times. She'd have been game to decorate a gingerbread house, listen to Christmas music, and get some Christmas baking done anytime. I bet I'd have even been able to get her to come visit me and do all of those activities. <br />
<br />
Miss you, Auntie Kell!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-67836228004088654792013-11-29T01:11:00.002-05:002013-11-29T01:28:48.870-05:00Livin' on a Prayer...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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November 28 is Kelly-Anne’s 34th birthday. Hard to believe this is the tenth birthday we
couldn't celebrate with her in person. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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This year, American Thanksgiving also falls on November 28. The last time this happened was in 2002 when Kell turned 23--check out a small sampling of e-mails between Kell and me that day...</div>
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Dear Kelly-Anne,<br />Happy Birthday, I can't believe you are 23 years old. So OLD!! Just kidding. I am so sorry that I can't be with you today, but I miss you and love you. I hope you have a fun day. I will try and give you a call later today, if you want you can call up here too, I heard you called yesterday actually. Happy Birthday Keddy! This is the 17th birthday I have celebrated with you!!<br />Love, Raye </i></blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>Hey Raye,<br />I miss ya. Can you tell. I am calling you all over the USA!<br />It is okay that you are not here. I am really not doing too much. I am just working from 4-10. It kinda sucks, but I don't mind too much.<br />This weekend I will be shooting the documentary, so I will be occupied, but Monday I will be able to chill with you the whole day.<br />That is all for now...<br />Love Keddy--the older one now!</i></blockquote>
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<br /></blockquote>
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I’m celebrating both of these occasions with family and
friends in the States. If Kell were
alive, I’m pretty sure she’d be with us.
She’d have found a way to join this celebration. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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But, since she couldn’t be here in person, I had to find a way to
celebrate. And I’m pretty sure I’ll
never top this…</div>
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<br /></div>
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We brought down the house with a rousing karaoke rendition
of Bon Jovi’s Living on a Prayer. And,
it wasn’t just any old guy singing with me.
It was Alex Barbieri the lead singer from <a href="https://www.facebook.com/1wildnightband" target="_blank">1 Wild Night</a>, the NYC area’s premier Bon Jovi
Tribute Band. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOkUfQEQKrDvwPaITDioh639jhVLLvgSWicYHv3JtXzbEKRAbLNPNOmPf_2OcY5Ux8CsPhIP6ZEUi10kecFR09wDuvjw5GlfF1HbLN4AG6A_lwuo2gBjwJiov3Lkbu9J8WTq8Abg/s1600/543160_358357937627872_1144477439_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOkUfQEQKrDvwPaITDioh639jhVLLvgSWicYHv3JtXzbEKRAbLNPNOmPf_2OcY5Ux8CsPhIP6ZEUi10kecFR09wDuvjw5GlfF1HbLN4AG6A_lwuo2gBjwJiov3Lkbu9J8WTq8Abg/s640/543160_358357937627872_1144477439_n.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
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I introduced Alex for the song and I told everyone that it
was my best friend’s birthday and although she couldn’t be here in person, I
was pretty confident that there’s nothing she would have loved better than us
singing “Livin’ on a Prayer,” one of her very<a href="http://kadrummond.blogspot.com/2010/03/bon-jovi.html" target="_blank"> favorite songs from her favorite band</a>, in her
honor. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I love and miss you, Kell.
Happy birthday. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-59407440431321676902013-10-13T15:03:00.000-04:002013-10-13T15:03:04.259-04:00Welcoming Paige as a part of God's Holy Church!
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Nine years ago on Thanksgiving weekend we buried
Kelly-Anne. Not a day has gone by since that
we haven’t thought about her and missed her.
Kell’s funeral was officiated by Rev. Canon Joyce Sanchez, a longtime family
friend of the Drummond family. It was a sad,
sad day and it left an indelible mark on all of us, but Joyce did a wonderful
job with a difficult situation, somehow leaving us with the hope of a risen
Savior. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrg3mvsVlVquY4YN5jhllw_ERQYT9uDIFaqSFkHbsljy9NaqxR1UODwmCGjjO7upNc0WBsduT7i5NQmcNwKeJHhMhCvn5L8YpMnWXHgItzdQCh5gUGI0EqmQVUaflAiiFDPUVcUQ/s1600/Kim,+Rachel,+Paige.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrg3mvsVlVquY4YN5jhllw_ERQYT9uDIFaqSFkHbsljy9NaqxR1UODwmCGjjO7upNc0WBsduT7i5NQmcNwKeJHhMhCvn5L8YpMnWXHgItzdQCh5gUGI0EqmQVUaflAiiFDPUVcUQ/s640/Kim,+Rachel,+Paige.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Today, nine years later, we celebrated another important Drummond family
milestone on Thanksgiving weekend. We
celebrated new life in the baptism of Kim’s beautiful baby, Paige Heather. The service was once again officiated by Rev.
Joyce Sanchez. She once again did a
wonderful job on this happiest of occasions. The New Testament scripture—Philippians
4:4–9—was especially befitting for today’s occasion. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Rejoice
in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known
to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by
prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to
God. And the peace of God, which
surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ
Jesus.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<i>Finally,
brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever
is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any
excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. The things you have learned and received and
heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with
you.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCSrcM43V6QTL6bgOPF4ylMAMKenKA3nuPoRDQD3B7iF2DSfz7oFVd45DO1detCGmzE205BwFsHwoJ4U2_GVIAD3SCVv119e6626P3zK755Ao1EMG_X5Sxj7RaRSFkw8jZoHnQ5g/s1600/Paige's+Baptism.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCSrcM43V6QTL6bgOPF4ylMAMKenKA3nuPoRDQD3B7iF2DSfz7oFVd45DO1detCGmzE205BwFsHwoJ4U2_GVIAD3SCVv119e6626P3zK755Ao1EMG_X5Sxj7RaRSFkw8jZoHnQ5g/s640/Paige's+Baptism.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Paige wore a lovely custom designed baptismal gown. And she wore her Aunt Kelly-Anne’s gold cross
around her neck. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It was a joy to celebrate with Kim and Joe and to meet Paige
for the first time. She’s a beautiful
girl—alert, bright, well mannered, and inquisitive. She has brought a lot of well-deserved joy to
the Drummond family. I’ve never seen
Doreen, John, or Kim looking happier. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Paige, may God grant you a long and healthy life full of love. May you come to know our faithful and loving
God and trust in Him to direct your paths and meet your needs.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-58237092604583942842013-10-03T10:12:00.000-04:002013-10-03T10:12:20.901-04:00Nine years<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijtm8bJ7r53Pfh2STaDOuIdngrnDLqEun1IUu_VM1k2cI4MGWKWUf4J-CZXSxwpa6pVV4HBDt5lIGMPxOTdy0V_wcy99hFx9cwTYczp_Shb5KMwnJly5m0y3bgUlAncm7-Q0mg_A/s1600/KAD+BEACH.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEijtm8bJ7r53Pfh2STaDOuIdngrnDLqEun1IUu_VM1k2cI4MGWKWUf4J-CZXSxwpa6pVV4HBDt5lIGMPxOTdy0V_wcy99hFx9cwTYczp_Shb5KMwnJly5m0y3bgUlAncm7-Q0mg_A/s400/KAD+BEACH.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Kelly-Anne was attacked nine years ago today. Nine years ago someone who supposedly loved her robbed her of her future. So many others were robbed that day too. Kelly-Anne's parents, John and Doreen, were robbed of their beloved daughter. Kim, Kelly-Anne's sister, was robbed of her closest confidant and best friend. Kell's many friends were robbed of their trusted sidekick, adventuring buddy, and teammate. The world was robbed of a truly good person. <div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Nine years. Or--if you are counting--3,827 days. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
Those 3,827 days have been filled with beautiful memories of Kelly-Anne. Amazing tributes. But those memories can't bring her back. They can only console those of us who remain. And frankly some days they aren't all that much consolation. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
But we've managed. Somehow. Everyone who knew and loved Kelly-Anne put one foot in front of the other and went on. Because that's what she would have wanted. Because we couldn't allow this heinous act to destroy any more than it already had. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And so we've done our best to keep Kelly-Anne with us. I've got a photo over my desk that reminds me of her every day. But I don't need that physical reminder. Because the 20+ years I spent with her as my best friend will stay with me forever. That's the kind of thing you don't forget no matter what. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And as long as I'm alive I'll do my part to tell others about Kelly-Anne. About her joie de vivre and her can-do spirit. About her love of adventure and travel. About her amazing, amazing curly hair. About her commitment to athletics. About her determination and grit. About how she pushed herself and never gave up. About how she loved and was loved. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
And I'll never stop telling anyone who will listen about how quickly situations can spiral out of control. About how volatile people can snap in an instant. About how the last thing you would have ever expected was for someone as strong willed and confident as Kelly-Anne to end up trapped in an abusive relationship with a violent man. About how to this day, nine years later, I can't believe Kelly-Anne didn't leave before that fateful night on October 3, 2004. And about how Kelly-Anne deserved so much more than to be murdered in the blink of an eye. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I do this because its the only thing I can do. And because I think its what Kelly-Anne would want. I hope one day it makes a difference to someone in a similar situation. I bet it already has. </div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-13036491872479733902013-09-29T17:40:00.001-04:002013-09-29T17:40:20.198-04:00Falling into the fallAnother year has gone by and yet again the tragedy of this time of year has snuck up on me like a thief in the night. Last week I was offhandedly wondering why I felt a bit down in the dumps. Then I looked at the calendar and remembered. <br />
<br />
The last weekend of September. The beginning of fall. The changing of the seasons. All remind me of Kelly-Anne and her untimely death. Hard to believe it has been nine years already. <br />
<br />
Miss you, Kelly-Anne. Today, tomorrow, always.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPcitH7AP_zRDbT-xJKqu1wMBjUz2alIpcgKvXqk2wwAHNF6S5_-RrEBJRI4uCqX-NWYryDfKrifvJ9ej_cY-W8yH4kwcU3m5NwxSpZZVATyxgyCk2fBMlvcITWcyZHZgWJA5fKw/s1600/KAD+SEVENTIES.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPcitH7AP_zRDbT-xJKqu1wMBjUz2alIpcgKvXqk2wwAHNF6S5_-RrEBJRI4uCqX-NWYryDfKrifvJ9ej_cY-W8yH4kwcU3m5NwxSpZZVATyxgyCk2fBMlvcITWcyZHZgWJA5fKw/s640/KAD+SEVENTIES.jpg" width="529" /></a></div>
<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-8345256330296151512012-12-06T19:45:00.003-05:002012-12-06T19:45:56.198-05:00SixtyJohn Drummond, Kell's devoted dad, turned 60 yesterday. A wonderful milestone birthday. Hard for me to believe, really. I remember his 35th birthday, 40th, 50th...<br />
<br />
Kell loved her dad SO MUCH. She would often talk about him in a way that most teenagers and young adults don't talk about their dads. They would go cross country skiing together in the winter. They'd barbecue together in the summer (and winter, actually). And in recent years, they'd pop open a beer together at the end of a hard day. Kell and John shared a love of sporting events, the Olympics, hard work, and being good to your friends. <br />
<br />
I know there's not a day that goes by that John doesn't think of his beautiful daughter Kelly-Anne. And I know he must have missed her dearly on this milestone birthday. Since she couldn't be here to celebrate with him, I thought I'd post this great pic of John and Kell many years ago in honor of their special father-daughter relationship. <br />
<br />
Here's to you, John! Happy sixtieth birthday. We love you! <br />
<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_IL-PKrC17-rRxZwuDtMHD5dYETen6NJ-jMMLo2sgfE4WBNiO5eNJtRE08PA5TcW5497lcNqibm6DWE4-NjDT7XWh_bqB8FCNfnsAt7wOpktmvWEoWlC3DiyuYD3BHue4I6EW-Q/s1600/photo.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_IL-PKrC17-rRxZwuDtMHD5dYETen6NJ-jMMLo2sgfE4WBNiO5eNJtRE08PA5TcW5497lcNqibm6DWE4-NjDT7XWh_bqB8FCNfnsAt7wOpktmvWEoWlC3DiyuYD3BHue4I6EW-Q/s640/photo.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-68394914266434646072012-11-28T14:35:00.001-05:002012-11-28T14:35:15.542-05:0033<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEeU1V6rl3S1C_ul2pCfa2CAa0Cla9mz486d3iFiQNPjvLXPxEqEGtfRxh1v8cU4OonNKVUrKOXZ6Jlbfzp5D4s8xksOQQ8c6nml5A6CXVGtiJwRc5F3QPtIgkdWH0Ui-pc5_2mg/s1600/photo-4.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEeU1V6rl3S1C_ul2pCfa2CAa0Cla9mz486d3iFiQNPjvLXPxEqEGtfRxh1v8cU4OonNKVUrKOXZ6Jlbfzp5D4s8xksOQQ8c6nml5A6CXVGtiJwRc5F3QPtIgkdWH0Ui-pc5_2mg/s320/photo-4.JPG" width="240" /></a></div>
<br />
Happy birthday, Kell! <br />
<br />
Today you would have been 33 years old. I wonder how you would have spent this day. Maybe you'd have been too busy at work to celebrate and would have deferred to the weekend. Maybe you would have had dinner with your husband and children. Maybe you'd be on the other side of the world in Australia. Maybe you'd be the television producer you dreamed of becoming. Maybe you'd have decided to stick with education and become a teacher.<br />
<br />
Who knows? I sure wish we could have found out what life had in store for you. <br />
<br />
I miss you, Kell. I wish there was one more birthday celebration to be had together. I'd give the world to plan another surprise party for you. Or take you out for dinner. I'd give the world for you to have had a few more years. You deserved more than this.<br />
<br />
Happy birthday to my dear friend. Please know that those of us left behind still think of you often and miss you dearly. <br />
<br />
Love,<br />
Rachel<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-57891538588194622772012-11-09T17:51:00.001-05:002012-11-09T17:52:06.128-05:00Scary Crime StatisticsI just read a chilling and fascinating <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/real-life-csi-when-one-identical-twin-is-accused-of-killing-the-other/2012/11/08/f87e62d2-236f-11e2-ac85-e669876c6a24_story.html" target="_blank">article</a> in the <i>Washington Post </i>about a man who was accused of killing his identical twin brother. The lengthy trial ended without a unanimous verdict because of the lack of evidence in the case (the brothers shared DNA). If you read the article you can acutely feel the young man's pain. He lost his identical twin brother and then had to suffer the pain of being falsely accused of his murder.<br />
<br />
The article offers a chilling <a href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/murder-victims-relationship-to-their-killer/2012/11/08/692eedde-2a01-11e2-bab2-eda299503684_graphic.html" target="_blank">illustration</a> of the relationship victims have with their killers. There were 12,996 murders in the United States in 2010. In half of these cases (5,724), the relationship of the victim to the killer is unknown. Of the homicides where the relationship is known, only 1,615 victims were killed by a stranger. Forty-four percent of these victims were killed by someone they knew. An acquaintance, a neighbor, a friend, or a family member. Nineteen percent of these victims were killed by a family member--husband, wife, son, daughter, father, mother, brother, sister, boyfriend, girlfriend, cousin, aunt, or uncle. <br />
<br />
Such a sad, sad statistic. <br />
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<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-72610465438619537602012-10-10T22:52:00.001-04:002012-10-10T22:52:31.310-04:00Lovely Little LaurenI've posted before (<a href="http://kadrummond.blogspot.com/2011/11/rallying-troops.html" target="_blank">here</a> and <a href="http://kadrummond.blogspot.com/2011/11/may-god-comfort-lougheeds.html" target="_blank">here</a>) about Amanda and Stephen Loughheed and their lovely daughter, Lauren Olivia. Or, adorably, LOL for short. <div>
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Amanda went to the same high school as Kelly-Anne and me. She and her husband gave birth to <a href="http://lifewithlol.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Lauren</a> in January 2011. The first 8 months of Lauren's life were perfectly normal. She hit (exceeded, even) her developmental milestones and laughed, cried, and babbled like every other baby. </div>
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Last fall, however, Amanda and Stephen began to feel something had gone horribly wrong in Lauren's development. Suddenly she could no longer sit up on her own and was frequently irritable. </div>
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After a grueling battery of tests at Montreal Children's hospital, Lauren was diagnosed with Krabbe Leukodystrophy. A fatal disease for which there is no cure. Krabbe is a cruel, cruel illness. It robs its victims of their ability to see, their ability to eat, their ability to walk or move normally, their ability to smile, and their ability to hear. It often claims its victims before age two. </div>
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How does one go on after such a devastating diagnosis? That's the question I asked myself after hearing that little Lauren had been diagnosed with Krabbe disease. I worried about my friend and wondered how she would cope with caring for her daughter as she slowly slips away. I prayed for the entire family as they came to terms with this diagnosis. </div>
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This weekend I had the pleasure of visiting with Amanda and Steve and their beautiful daughter. It's impossible to convey just how proud I was of them. They are handling this situation with a grace and peace that exceeds all understanding. I know they have their hard days, but Amanda has truly risen to the occasion. </div>
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Lauren is an absolutely beautiful child. She radiates peace and is being extremely well cared for. Amanda has reorganized her entire life to ensure Lauren gets top notch care and can still have as many experiences as possible. Most importantly, she advocates for her daughter, learning about the latest treatments and insisting that Lauren be given a chance to live what's left of her life without being pumped full of morphine. </div>
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I'm so proud of Amanda. She is going through the most difficult trial imaginable, yet she is peaceful and even serene. She has immersed herself in a world she never could have imagined--a world of medical tests, feeding tubes, palliative care, and end of life decisions. Yet she doesn't complain. </div>
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She simply tries to put one foot in front of the other and get on with living. She tries to love Lauren and make sure she is as comfortable as possible. And she prepares for the inevitable. Trials bring out qualities we didn't even know we had. Sometimes they break us. But sometimes--and I think this is the case for Amanda--they shape us into a person we wouldn't have even recognized.</div>
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Please keep Amanda, Steve, and Lauren in your prayers. And if you can think of some way to <a href="http://lifewithlol.wordpress.com/how-to-help/" target="_blank">help</a> this precious family, please don't be shy. They deserve our support. </div>
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Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-12787321706042645822012-10-05T11:00:00.004-04:002012-10-05T11:00:57.718-04:00Head on over to Doreen's blogDoreen, Kelly-Anne's mother, has been doing a great job on her blog the past couple of years. Please head over and check out her posts. Leave her a comment so she knows you swung by.<br />
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<a href="http://mydaughterkelly-anne.blogspot.ca/">My Daughter, Kelly-Anne</a>Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-89049230076101825812012-10-03T22:25:00.000-04:002012-10-03T22:39:02.734-04:00TodayToday is a somber day in my books. It's the day Kelly-Anne lost her life in a senseless attack from behind. It's the day by which I divide my life--the period before Kelly-Anne was killed and the period after.<br />
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Those periods are nothing alike.<br />
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Before Kelly-Anne was murdered, my life was relatively lighthearted and fun. I had a wide circle of friends and acquaintances and a handful of friends who I simply knew I would be friends with forever. I worked hard in school and had tons of part time jobs, but I also thoroughly enjoyed an abundant life. I volunteered at my church. I studied like crazy (usually at the last minute). I went on crazy road trips and adventures. And I loved entertaining people with my stories and antics.<br />
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I once told a professor in grad school when I was in the throes of dealing with a mouse invasion in my ground floor apartment building that having mice was the worst thing that had ever happened to me.<br />
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His response? "You're lucky to have had such a wonderful life."<br />
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I had no idea how true that was until a few years later when I woke up to an early morning phone call that informed me Kelly-Anne had been stabbed in the head and was in the hospital on life support with injuries that would prove fatal.<br />
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After Kelly-Anne was attacked I was more cynical. Less willing to put myself out there. Less tolerant of wasted time and energy--because, really, who knows how much time we've got left? I was also sad. Sad that Kell was dead and sad that it was completely unnecessary. My grief colored my worldview for a lot longer than I cared to admit. Things that once meant something to me began to be meaningless.<br />
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I found it hard to go to church, to participate in the community, to feel joyful. I knew in my heart I still had much to be grateful for but it was hard to really believe that on a day-to-day basis.<br />
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But still, God was with me. <br />
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I can see looking back how protected I was. Do you know that I have never once dreamed about Kelly-Anne since her death? I am one of those people who often remembers dreams and is occasionally even woken up by them if they are particularly upsetting or exciting.<br />
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In the days, months, and years that followed Kell's murder, her parents and our friends would often tell me they were kept up at night by dreams about Kell. I never was. It was as if God realized that I needed to sleep in order to be able to even remotely function at my job--which, at the time, was brand new. I thought about Kell nonstop during the day. But at night I was able to rest peacefully.<br />
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After a little while things became somewhat normal again. The new normal, I call it. I began to function at more than a basic level. I made a couple of new friends. I showed interest in things I once loved. <br />
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But still I deeply felt Kelly-Anne's loss. <br />
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It's been one of the themes of my life these past years--a leitmotif, if you will. I try my hardest to put a positive spin on it (hilarious, really, because there's no positive spin) by drawing attention to the lessons I think we should learn from Kell's life. And I work really hard to try to make sure Kelly-Anne is remembered, not just for her brutal death, but for how she lived and what she loved.<br />
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I think we--and by that I mean everyone who loved Kelly-Anne--have done a pretty good job making sure she's remembered in the community. <br />
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Thank you to all of you who take the time each year to tell us you still miss Kelly-Anne and still think of her. It means the world to us.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJINdHfOoPq8aFaQ7ftukBdBD6JVv_KE8AN_s5J1lXAt7eTvlz2VN0gjl8eBjeE6y67u9Y3g8oLBTvG_IO2tx2go9-D0TG7fhkVPC2UItCgmgx0Be1c0oWxU0gXTs5Zlyk-rcDvQ/s1600/KADSD.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="448" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJINdHfOoPq8aFaQ7ftukBdBD6JVv_KE8AN_s5J1lXAt7eTvlz2VN0gjl8eBjeE6y67u9Y3g8oLBTvG_IO2tx2go9-D0TG7fhkVPC2UItCgmgx0Be1c0oWxU0gXTs5Zlyk-rcDvQ/s640/KADSD.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;"><i>Kelly-Anne checking things out in a film studio during her extended trip to California one summer.</i></td></tr>
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<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-9997943369982802172012-10-02T06:43:00.000-04:002012-10-03T22:33:27.842-04:00Reaching out<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: left;"><i>Kelly-Anne cooling off at Montreal's Place des Arts the summer before she died. </i></td></tr>
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I think a lot about how Kelly-Anne would want to be remembered. It's something she never really considered, I'm sure. We all feel invincible when we're in our early twenties. Yet none of us really are invincible. Only God knows for sure the number of our days. </div>
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"Show me, O Lord, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life."<br />
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My take--especially after going though something like losing Kell and trying to figure out how to go on--is that should always live like its our last days on earth. Always focus on the important things and the higher things in life. Always tell those around us how much we love them and how much they mean to us. Who wants to die without letting those around you know how much you value them? And who wants to be left behind by someone you never truly expressed your appreciation for. <br />
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Of course, this is all easier said than done. The day-to-day pressures of life fill our minds and hearts, distracting us from what's really important. <br />
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We fear that we don't know how to say the right thing to someone who is suffering or mourning and, as a result, we fail to say anything at all. <br />
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Do you know how alone you feel when you're grieving someone you love? That intense pain and emotion can be all encompassing. It means the world to those dealing with this sort of pain to know that you care. That you remember their pain. That it means something to you and you care enough to let them know.<br />
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This is especially essential once things die down. Life returns to normal for those around you but for you it will never be normal because you've lost your wife, husband, daughter, son, mother, father, or friend. For you, there will always be emptiness and loneliness and sadness. You will always think of them on holidays and anniversaries. Or when you see someone on the street who has similar looks or mannerisms. Or when your loved one visits you in a dream. <br />
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I think it is incredibly powerful to know someone is there for you and cares for you and shares just a little bit of your pain. It's rare, these days, that anyone mentions Kell to me or even remembers what happened. And, when I bring her up or mention her, people have a look of shock and horror on their face when I tell them what happened. <br />
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But I want to talk about Kelly-Anne. I love to think of her and remember what she meant to her family and friends. I beam when someone brings her up in any way. I am so touched when someone remembers an anniversary or mention's her passing, or even her existence. <br />
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It's so, so, so rare. And I understand--it has been eight years, after all, and none of my friends here ever had the chance to meet Kelly-Anne. But still...<br />
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I try (albeit, often unsuccessfully) to reach out to others around me who are mourning their own losses. I don't ever have the right words, but I at least try to let them know I'm thinking of them and praying for them. I sent a note to the father of a friend (whom I never met personally) who lost his son in a fire that destroyed his family home and his wife to breast cancer within a few months of each other. I sent my great aunt who was dying of cancer a note letting her know how much I've learned from her a few weeks before she passed. I try to reach out to Kelly-Anne's family frequently and make sure they know I haven't forgotten. On Father's Day this year I happened to be home in Montreal and I popped over to Kelly-Anne's father's house to say I was a representative of the "Drummond girls" and wanted to wish him a great day. I do what I can--and I know it is often not enough. But I tell myself at least its something. <br />
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Who can you support today? Is there someone who could benefit from a kind word or note from you? Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-53372740463662963762012-10-01T21:00:00.000-04:002012-10-02T18:27:47.362-04:00Another sad tale<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This is Alexandra Kogut. Her mother apparently became concerned this weekend when Alex didn't answer her phone and asked campus police at the State University of New York's Brockport Campus to check on her daughter. Sadly, she was discovered dead in her dorm room, the victim of apparent blunt force trauma.<br />
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Prosecutors believe that she was murdered by her boyfriend, Clayton Whittemore, who was visiting for the weekend. <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/01/clayton-whittemore-arrest_n_1928916.html">Clayton</a> was a talented hockey player and a student at a different college. He has been charged with second degree murder. <br />
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An active Twitter user, Alex had posted several messages in the lead up to the weekend that she was excited her boyfriend was coming to visit. But obviously something went horribly wrong. According to this <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/US/alexandra-kogut-murdered-college-student-left-ominous-tweet/story?id=17366495#.UGnpdnA1ZYg">ABC news report, </a>Alex sent out one ominous final tweet at about 12:13 am the night she died: "Should've known." <br />
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Exactly what happened between Alex and Clayton is unknown. But what is known is that Alex is dead and can no longer tell her side of the story. And what is known is that Alex's mother was so concerned about her daughter's welfare when she didn't pick up the phone in the middle of the night that she called the campus police immediatley, suggesting that she feared Alex was in danger.<br />
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Another young life taken entirely too soon. Another family of the beautiful victim left to pick up the pieces and ask themselves what they could have done differently. Another family of the perpetrator also picking up the pieces of their shattered lives and asking themselves how their son could be responsible for such a heinous act.<br />
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I wish I had an easy policy solution to this kind of issue. But I don't. It baffles me that the situation continues to repeat itself time and time again all around the world. People murdered--not in random acts of violence, but by individuals they loved.<br />
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We must protect ourselves. We must make sure to be vigilant about ensuring personal safety and security. Situations can change in an instant. Every day I hear stories about young women staying with men who abuse them because they are afraid to leave. Or because they think they have it under control. Or because they don't know where to turn or what to do. Or because they don't think they deserve better. It breaks my heart. <br />
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It's better to be alone than to be with somoene who is endangering your life.<br />
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I feel confident that if Kelly-Anne were still here today, this is the message that she would want shared with the world. I can't tell you enough how strange it is to me--even today--that Kelly-Anne was murdered by her boyfriend. Of all the people in the world I thought could ever happen to--she is the least likely. She was strong, athletic, confident. She had a wonderful family and many friends. She had a university education and a good job. She was beautiful, kind, caring, and loyal.<br />
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The opposite--in every way--of the typical sterotype of a victim of domestic violence. <br />
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Yet she allowed herself to get trapped in a situation that got out of hand. She didn't tell the people closest to her how bad things were. We all saw warning signs, but none of us knew what a volatile past Marty had or how violent he already was with Kelly-Anne. We saw changes in Kelly-Anne that didn't seem normal--for example, right before leaving for Italy, she called my mother from the airport, sobbing into the phone that she was scared. My mother was baffled--Kelly-Anne had never been scared of much! Eventually Kell calmed down enough to board the plane, but she wasn't specific about why she was so scared. What are you supposed to do with that information? You know something is horribly wrong but you don't know what. <br />
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The fact is that there isn't much you can do when someone you love choses to put themselves in harm's way with a volatile or dangerous boyfriend or husband. You can't kidnap them.<br />
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But you can make sure that they understand you are there for them no matter what. That you're waiting--with open arms and love and support--to help them get away before its too late. That you'll provide whatever is needed to help them start fresh and protect themselves before it is too late. That there's a tough road ahead, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel. That they aren't helping the person who is abusing them but staying put. That they deserve better. <br />
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I hope Kelly-Anne's story is an example to women in their twenties and thirties who are afraid to get out of a bad situation. I can assure you, Kelly-Anne did not think she would end up dead. Sure she knew Marty was violent and capable of hurting her--as he had done many times before. But I'd bet a lot of money she thought she had time to deal with the situation before it got truly out of hand. I know she believed Marty had a hard life and that some of his behavior was understandable, which may in fact be true. <br />
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But that's the problem. Kelly-Anne couldn't help Marty. He had problems that went far beyond her and their relationship. Deep-seeded issues with voiolence and volatility that were a threat to those around him. Kelly-Anne couldn't give him the kind of counselling he needed. So she stayed. She tried to be mature and end her relationship like an adult. And she ended up being the one who lost her life. <br />
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What a terrible, terrible shame. <br />
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<br />Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-25100485038877954662012-09-30T10:33:00.002-04:002012-10-01T11:19:14.009-04:00Things can go wrong in an instantHere we are--the last weekend of September. The last weekend that Kelly-Anne was alive so many years ago. <br />
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Kell had just returned from Italy. I'm sure she was trying to get used to eastern time again. Packing. Doing laundry. Getting ready for a work week.<br />
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Kell was also in the process of figuring out how to disentangle herself from a relationship with Marty. She had decided that they just didn't work and it was time to break up. They had just moved in together just a few months before, however, so it was a lot more involved than a break up might otherwise be. <br />
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Kell was very self sufficient. Didn't really want people's help with a lot of things. She thought she could handle the situation she was in. As she told me on the phone that Saturday: "we're going to handle it like adults." <br />
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Very few people knew just how bad things had gotten. Kell had told a friend in Italy that she was being abused. But she didn't tell anyone in Montreal. She didn't tell anyone who could have taken immediate action and helped show her the danger she was in. Instead, she soldiered on and tried to be mature and grown up. Just because they were breaking up, didn't mean it had to be a disaster. <br />
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She couldn't have been more wrong. <br />
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Kelly-Anne's soon-to-be-ex-boyfriend was volatile and angry. He had a dangerous track record of violence--especially against women he was in relationships with. <br />
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So, that final Sunday of Kelly-Anne's life--October 3, 2004--she cooked dinner for herself and Marty. Pork chops and noodles. At some point the landlord knocked on the door asking for the rest of their rent money. Kelly-Anne had left the full amount for Marty when she went to Italy but he kept a few bucks--$20, $40? I can't remember--as spending money for himself. <br />
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I can't imagine how embarrassed she was when the landlord told her the rent hadn't been fully paid. She took her financial obligations very seriously. The landlord left and--by Marty's own testimony--they began to argue. <br />
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Kelly-Anne ended up on the floor in a pool of blood, stabbed in the back of the head and not breathing when paramedics arrived. Marty called them himself. No one knows how long he waited before he finally decided to call. <br />
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That was how her beautiful life came to an end. Her family and friends gathered around her bedside in intensive care the next day to say their goodbyes before she was removed from life support. It was heartbreaking for everyone involved. <br />
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It is too late for Kelly-Anne. But it isn't too late for the rest of us. <br />
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What do you need to learn from Kelly-Anne's story?Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9596931.post-44909523626099520862012-09-28T13:05:00.001-04:002012-09-28T13:06:46.395-04:00Kelly-Anne in Pictures<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHmzBYDYYJmhwIUxG36CDHs-m7g6amj5SKkp5DUj80aj0IGL3Mnk2tVHdEhkc94pddpOM3rWMMXOv1vaCAzUVyayWQbatgbD1IShFf0_kjqNgJOYj8HgJk1XqhmrDxXhW3JQ3Ylg/s1600/KAD+Collage.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left:1em; margin-right:1em"><img border="0" height="400" width="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHmzBYDYYJmhwIUxG36CDHs-m7g6amj5SKkp5DUj80aj0IGL3Mnk2tVHdEhkc94pddpOM3rWMMXOv1vaCAzUVyayWQbatgbD1IShFf0_kjqNgJOYj8HgJk1XqhmrDxXhW3JQ3Ylg/s400/KAD+Collage.jpg" /></a></div>
When I think about Kell's life I can't help but be struck by just how much she DID in 24 short years. She was always moving. Always engaged in something. Usually something athletic. Rugby, synchro, lifeguarding, waterpolo. Kell couldn't really sit still. And she loved an adventure more than anyone I know.
Above I've compiled a collage of Kell on some of her most noteworthy adventures over the years. Rachelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03486479678845000388noreply@blogger.com1