Seven Quick Takes: The Kelly-Anne Drummond Edition

Concordia won the Kelly-Anne Drummmond Cup this year. Although my loyalty to McGill runs deep, I can't help but be pleased. That is how it should be.

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Hard to believe that nearly six years of my life have passed without Kelly-Anne to share them. Sometimes I feel like I am still in a nightmare. Once in a while, I catch myself thinking I need to tell Kell something right away. Then I remember.

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My curly hair is getting decidely less curly every year. Why can't I have curls like Kell did? She had the most amazing ringlets. My curls? They are now close to waves and no product I find seems to make a difference at all.

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The man who murdered Kelly-Anne only has about seven more years to serve in jail before he's elligible for parole. I can't think about this without having my blood boil. Seriously? Second degree murder of a vibrant 24 year old woman in the prime of her life and he only gets 13 years? What is wrong with that picture? And, more importantly, why aren't Canadians more outraged by their justice system.

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I love the fall season--especially here where the weather is so humid all of the time. But as the nights turn colder and the days get shorter, I begin to think about Kelly-Anne constantly and relive all of the lasts. Last time I saw her. Last time I spoke to her. Last time she went on a trip. Her last postcard from Italy. Last, last, last. It is all so sad.

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When Kell, Kim, and I were little girls, we each had a striped tee shirt (mine and Kell's were red and Kimmy's was blue, I think?) that featured a WWII era poster with a pin up girl wishing she could join the navy. Does anyone else remember those shirts? They looked like this. Anyway, I recently saw magnets like this for sale at the Marine Corps Museum and so, of course, I had to purchase one for me and one for Kimmy for her upcoming birthday. It made me smile. Hopefully it will make her smile too.

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Not sure where I'll go from here with this blog. I haven't been posting as regularly, but I will still continue to update from time to time as the mood strikes. I know many of Kell's other family and friends check in here on a regular basis, so please feel free to send me e-mails of your memories and I'll happily post them.


Quick Takes are hosted every Friday over at the Conversion Diary. This is a grat idea and I've always wanted to participate. Head over and read some others if you are interested...

The Kelly-Anne Cup

Each year, Concordia and McGill face off in an annual women's rugby game in memory of Kelly-Anne. This year's game will be played TONIGHT, September 8, 2010, at 8:30 pm on the Loyola field across from Concordia in N.D.G. The Kelly-Anne Drummond Cup is presented to the winning team and funds raised are donated to Women Aware.

Edited: Concordia won this year's match and there's a fabulous game recap from their newspaper available here. My favorite quote comes from the team captain:


Jackie Tittley had an important mission on Wednesday night at Concordia stadium. The women's rugby captain was responsible for keeping the Kelly-Anne Drummond Cup safely in her grip, and out of McGill's hands. "I have to keep it safe, it's an important piece," she joked as she cradled the glass trophy. "It's under very high security."

A similar situation?

New details being revealed in the sad case of Yeardley Love's murder... And, sadly, many similarities to a story we all know too well. Here are just a few of the similarities:

--The victim and the accused were involved in a romantic relationship, but were in the process of breaking up.
Kelly-Anne and Marty were also in the process of ending their relationship.

--The accused was known for being violent and especially "aggressive when he drank." In 2008, he was arrested and shocked with a stun gun after a violent encounter with a police officer. He also threatened to "kill everyone" upon his arrest.
After Kelly-Anne was murdered it became known that Marty had a violent track record, especially in past relationships. Marty had also been charged and acquitted of uttering death threats and was prevented from possessing weapons.


--The media is reporting that friends of the victim and the accused say that the accused tried to attack the victim in public just weeks ago. Police are also investigating claims that the accused may have issued threats via text message.
According to the testimony of several of her close friends, Marty was violent toward Kelly-Anne and issued threats including in the weeks leading up to her death.

--The accused admits to a violent altercation with the victim immediately prior to her death but says her death was an "accident that turned tragic." He claims to have shaken her, causing her head to bang against a wall repeatedly.
Never in the time since she died has Marty admitted to Kelly-Anne's death. Instead he claimed that he and Kelly-Anne were arguing, he threw his hands up in frustration, sending the steak knife with which he'd been eating through the air, stabbing her in the back of the neck. The defense theorized that Kell tripped on a soft-drink bottle and fell back against the stove, which pushed the knife farther into base of her skull, snapping off the blade. Obviously, the jury recognized this tall tale for what it was.

There are a few disturbing differences in how these cases will be prosecuted, however:

--George Huguely has been charged with first degree murder in the death of Yeardley Love. In the state of Virginia, this is a class one felony that carries a punishment of death or life in prison with no parole.
Martin Morin-Cousineau, on the other hand, was charged only with second degree murder in the death of Kelly-Anne Drummond. He will be eligible for parole after 13 years.

Anyone else think there's something seriously wrong with this picture? I could easily make the case that--simply by virtue of the weapon of choice (knife v. hands)--Cousineau intended more deadly harm than Huguely.

Why do Quebecers put up with a justice system that is so lenient to its most violent criminals?

Rest in peace, Yeardley Love

I don't know what it is about these kinds of crimes, but I can't ever seem to get them out of my head. Another accomplished, athletic young woman cut down in the prime of her life by a man with whom had been romantically involved.

You may have seen the news stories about the "Lacrosse Murders" at the University of Virginia. Yeardley Love, was found dead in a pool of blood in her apartment. Her former boyfriend, George Huguely, has been accused of first degree murder. Both the victim and the accused are 22 and both play lacrosse for UVA. A more detailed summary of the case can be found here. A video is also embedded below.

Yeardley seems like she was a great girl--an elite athlete, she is remembered by her friends as smart, personable, kind, and friendly. I hope that her friends and family will help make that her legacy, rather than the tragic way she died.

I can only imagine what the Love family and all of Yeardley's friends are going through as they try to deal with this horrible tragedy. I will keep them and the entire lacrosse community in my thoughts and prayers.

In the pool

I've been swimming again a few times in recent weeks, and I must say, I have been enjoying it tremendously. I can't possibly enter an aquatic center without thinking about Kelly-Anne. That's actually one of the things I have been really enjoying. Swimming laps gives me time to think about Kelly-Anne. Everytime I smell the chlorine or see the cute lifeguards watching out for the swimmers I remember precious Kell. I'm not the only one. Doreen, Kell's mom, feels the same way whenever she swims.

Although I would really love to be able to have Kell physically swimming right alongside me, I know she's with me in spirit. And I take great comfort in that.

A Challenge

Losing someone you love--whether to illness, accident, or murder--is one of the most painful things we can go through on this earth. Everytime we hear of tragedy, we all hope and pray that it isn't our own child, sibling, parent, or friend. But we have no control over such things.

I am firmly convinced that we all have a role to play in encouraging those around us who are struggling with major challenges such as illness and loss. So often, we recognize the magnitude of the tragedy unfolding around us but we think there is nothing we can say or do to make it better or less painful.

I want to challenge you to think carefully about that assumption. There are always ways you can help, whether it is cooking a meal for the family; driving the patient to an appointment; visiting the hospital; sending a card, letter, or email of encouragment; remembering the family in prayer; or simply offering a kind word to someone in need. These are things we need to remember.

So the next time you hear of a tragic illness or loss, I urge you to do SOMETHING. Do not make excuses for yourself about not knowing someone well enough or not knowing what to say. Trust me, a thoughtful gesture--no matter how imperfect--will be rememebered for a long time and will be a big boost for someone in need.

Bon Jovi

I just got a new CD for my car in honor of Kelly-Anne: Bon Jovi's greatest hits.

I've been driving around these past couple of days rocking out to classic tunes like Livin' on a Prayer, You Give Love a Bad Name, and Blaze of Glory.

I can't help but think about Kell when I listen to these classic tunes. She loved Bon Jovi even when were kids and it brings me right back to a point where I can almost picture her doing Kareoke or rocking out at a lifeguard rant.

Can't close out this post without a classic Bon Jovi video:

Calling all Montrealers

Mckibbin’s West Island and the Montreal Barbarians Rugby Club invite you to an

Afternoon of Songs & Laughs: Take III
“Celebrating the Spirit of Kelly-Anne”

To raise funds for the
Junior and Elite Athletes
Of the Montreal Barbarians Rugby Club
in memory of Kelly-Anne Drummond
March 20th, 2010 from 2pm - 6pm
6361 Trans-Canada Hwy,Complexe Pointe-Claire,Pointe-Claire, QC H9R 5A5

Live entertainment !

Singer / Song writer Dave Moran
Comedians Mike Paterson, Kevin Gasior & Ryan Wilner

Raffles, Auctions and Door Prizes!

$20 ticket price includes:
1 free beverage, finger food and live entertainment

Come Enjoy the Fun and Support our Aspiring Athletes

Canada's Newest Senator

Clearly, I'm behind on Canadian news but this still bears mentioning.

Pierre-Hugues Boisvenu was just appointed to serve as a Canadian senator! In 2002, after the tragic murder of hist daughter, Julie, Pierre Murdered or Missing Persons' Families' Association (AFPAD).

Kudos to Prime Minister Harper for a great decisison. Good luck, Senator Boisvenu.

At long last

Thanks to the kindness and generosity of Nicolas Wright (mentioned previously on this blog here) we were able to put together an amazing video tribute to Kelly-Anne to play at her wake in October 2004. It was a labor of love--Nic, Stephen, and I worked for hours long into the night to create a lasting memory in honor of our dear friend, Kelly-Anne.

For years I have been unable to find a way to upload this video to YouTube. But at LONG LAST I have managed to get it up there for all the world to see. It is gut-wrenching and heart-warming all at the same time. And, more importantly, it brings me back to a place where I can focus on Kelly-Anne's life. I especially love seeing the video clip at the end where she is interviewed by CTV about her lifeguarding accomplishments.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.

xoxo,
Rachel

Do the crime, serve your time

Kelly-Anne's mother, Doreen, has a great post up today on her blog. I encourage you to read it and consider your role in making sure the parole board keeps the man who killed Kelly-Anne in jail for his entire sentence.

What kind of society do we have where you can murder someone in cold blood and be released on parole after 13 years? Talk about miscarriage of justice.

Kelly-Anne deserves better.

Funny Memories--Part Six

Here is a snippet of a funny memory of Kelly-Anne that was posted on her online condolence book. The full post can be found here.

I only had the opportunity to meet Kelly-Anne in the last year of her life, but I was so amazed and graced by her presence. She always made me laugh and helped me plan my halloween party, even cutting out little paper pumpkins, and she dressed up like Harry Potter. Small little things were fun with Kelly-Anne and we would often talk about joining up to the gym together and then laugh about what big procrastinators we were...

Interesting Comment

Since starting this blog more than 5 years ago, I have recieved many emails and comments about both Kelly-Anne and the man who murdered her. It is very encouraging when people post comments or send in stories about Kelly-Anne. I really enjoy reading these and Kelly-Anne's mother, Doreen, and I will often exchange emails about how happy we are to read something new about Kelly-Anne.

On the other hand, it is both fascinating and horrifying to read the accounts of person after person who knew Marty in the past and had a negative experience with him. Countless people on the West Island have a "Marty" story, and from these experiences it seems clear to me that there was a definite pattern of escalating issues for a long period of time.

Nothing makes me sadder than when I think of how things ended up. Kelly-Anne is never coming back and Marty locked away in jail (for at least another few years). It makes me especially sad because it was completely and utterly preventable. Marty could have taken his issues seriously and sought professional help. Kelly-Anne could have recognized the patterns and signs of a volatile, abusive individual and ended the relationship before her life was snuffed out. We, Kelly-Anne's family and friends, could have been even more insistent to her that she get out of this relationship before it was too late. Obviously, though, the blame for this horrific act of violence lies with one individual and one individual alone.

I want to share the below comment which appeared on the blog yesterday from someone who knew Marty in the past. I hope it will inspire you to take abuse seriously and make sure that if you find yourself in an abusive situation--either as the abuser or the abused--to seek professional help for your problems before it is too late. To the man who made this comment: thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog. At some point in the not-too-distant future, Martin will be up for parole so I hope you will consider supporting the family by sharing your recollections about his character.

I unfortunately knew Martin when I was aged 16 to 21. He had a notoriously volatile temper and was always quick to respond to any confrontational situation in an unusually aggressive manner. I can remember him getting into fights at the slightest provocation. This was often fuelled by alcohol abuse. Martin's older brother wasn't much of a role model, either.

I tried to see the good in Martin, but after years of sharing the same circle of friends, I realized that it was time to grow up and seek a more positive environment.

I remember Martin quitting school after high school. I convinced him to start CEGEP at John Abbott College, but after a short time, he could never fully apply himself, and as a result, dropped out.

I bumped into him years ago with my wife, while we were having our car rust proofed. My first thought was, "I don't want my wife around this guy, and I don't want to socialize with him, either."

Years later, I heard about the murder and was shocked and disgusted. I knew Martin to be angry, but killing his girlfriend over rent money???!!!

Martin could never understand that those flashes of anger that he felt could cause irreparable harm to others.

I offer my most heartfelt condolences to Kelly-Anne's family and friends.

I hope that Martin rots in jail, because I don't think that he has it in him to change and become a regular part of society again. He knows how to pretend that he is sorry without actually feeling any remorse. Hearing his excuse about how the knife flew out of his hand sounds like one of his usual excuses. He never could accept the blame for any of his own wrong-doings. It was always somebody else's fault. If let out of jail, my feeling is that he'll just go back to his old ways.

I did not know Kelly-Anne, but she seems like she was one of the bright, shining stars in the universe.

I hope that Kelly-Anne's memory inspires hope, happiness, and a zest for life for others.

Sincerely,

M

Thirty

For exactly one month a year, Kelly-Anne, Kimmy, and I were all the same age. Kell and Kim were only eleven months apart, and I celebrated my birthday a little less than a month after Kell. We always thought this little coincidence was funny. Today marked the end of our month of being 29. Today is Kelly-Anne's 30th birthday.

Birthdays are really hard now. On my own birthday I find myself amazed that I am yet another year older and Kelly-Anne is frozen forever at 24. So much has happened in the past five years, and all of it has been without my dear best friend.

I think a lot about what Kelly-Anne's life would be like today if she had lived. What would she be doing for a career? What sport would be her latest obsession? Would she be married? Kids? Would she live in Canada? Or would she have moved someplace else? How would these past five years have changed her?

It does no good to dwell on this, of course. But as my own life passes me by, I can't help reflecting on the lives of those I must live without. Because I can't give Kell a birthday present or a big hug and kiss today, I will instead offer a list of thirty things about her that epitomize the Kelly-Anne I love and miss.

1) Her smile that would light up any room
2) She was ALWAYS up for an adventure
3) Kell knew everyone on the West Island
4) She loved to laugh--often times at herself
5) The. Best. Ringlets. Ever.
6) Was a serious Martha wannabee
7) Had no sense of her limitations--this led her to try tons of things that others never would have
8) Always carried rubber gloves and a face mask. Just in case her emergency services were ever required by someone needing assistance
9) Always sent me a postcard from wherever her travels took her
10) Loved her stuffed animals, Dwayne and Marmaduke
11) Rode her bike everywhere. Rain or shine, and sometimes snow.
12) Took the time to really connect with the kids who she taught--what other daycare educators would rock out to summer of '69 with the kids
13) Used to coax me into driving through the park because my dad did it once when we were 13 and we never laughed harder
14) Gave me my first beer at age 13 in her parents backyard--then scared the living daylights out of me by telling me to sleep on my side in case I vomitted.
15) Would get out her best crafting supplies to write me a letter when I moved to grad school
16) Wrote a special message to my kids in all of my high school yearbooks
17) When she was really stressed she would become totally forgetful. Milk might be left on the counter all day etc.
18) Was so athletic and sporty. Synchro, waterpolo, rugby, competitive lifeguarding and sporty.
19) Always looked out for me in whatever way she could. Was I studying? Was my room clean? Was I wearing my seatbelt?
20) Was tough as nails--tougher than I'd ever be. This girl could rough herself up on the rugby pitch and be perfect a few hours later.
21) Kelly-Anne was always in motion--couldn't stand to be still. Didn't like being indoors much better. Sometimes I find it funny that she even made the time to sleep.
22) One time Kim and I decided to play a prank on Kell. We made up a fake email address and sent her emails from "Crystal Clydes" who supposedly lived near the Drummonds in Dollard. We then waited for Kell to tell us about her long lost friend, which of course she did almost instantaneously. She tried to convince us to go over to Blue Haven and knock on Crystal's door she was so excited. It was at that point we figured we'd better tell her we had invented this poor girl...
23) I was SOOOOOOOOO proud of Kell when she won an award in high school. The girl worked hard and it was great of John Rennie to acknowledge her.
24) A few weeks before she died Kelly-Anne had me editing resumes and cover letters for jobs in television and radio production. She did not give up on that dream, no matter how hard it was to realize.
25) Kell worked hard every year to make Christmas ornaments for those she loved. They were cute and made a great addition to the tree.
26) When Kell as in university at Concordia, she would take random classes in other fields just to learn something new: geology, geography, etc. She was really intellectually curious.
27) Kell-Anne did a project in school where she interviewed our old neighbors from Pierrefonds to get a sense of the history of the street we grew up on. I'm sure these old ladies loved a visit from her!
28) She had a real OBSESSION with cats. Her little cats Katnip and Trixie so sweet and she was equally enamored with Rugger, Toffee, and Pudding.
29) For Kell's birthday in grade five we got to make a music video and then have dinner at Red Lobster. It was great. Our music video was set to Venus by Bannanarama.
30) She was a faithful, true, and wonderful friend.

Surprise!

Nine years ago this month I hosted a very special party. A surprise birthday party for Kelly-Anne.

She was celebrating her 21st birthday and I decided it was an extra special occasion. Unbeknownst to her I got the emails and phone numbers of all her closest friends and invited them to come celebrate. Everyone was very eager--they loved Kell as much as I did.

We got together that night at Boccacinos, where Kell thought Jeff was taking her for a romantic dinner. Instead she came in to a huge table of friends shouting surprise! We had balloons, drinks, dinner, and a great cake. It was awesome.

Kelly-Anne was truly floored and the look on her face is one I'll never forget. Below is a photo from that special night.