Monday, December 13, 2010
I could not have said this better...
“If you know someone who has lost a child or lost anybody who's important to them, and you're afraid to mention them because you think you might make them sad by reminding them that they died, they didn't forget they died. You're not reminding them. What you're reminding them of is that you remember that they lived, and that's a great, great gift.” ~ Elizabeth Edwards
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Thirty One
31 People/Places/Things that Remind me of Kell
1) Curly hair
2) Lifeguards
3) Bon Jovi
4) Concordia University
5) Thorndale Pool
6) Cedar Drive
7) Ashley MacIssac
8) The Olympics
9) Great Big Sea
10) Adventuring
11) Greendale Elementary School
12) Saint Anne de Bellevue
13) People who laugh a lot
14) Dwayne and Marmaduke
15) Rugby
16) Smurfs
17) Friends rumaging through my pantry
18) Dirty Dancing
19) Handcrafted greeting cards
20) Driving through the park
21) San Diego
22) Rum balls
23) New Year's Eve
24) People who talk with their hands
25) Irish Pubs
26) Plattsburgh
27) Bryan Adams
28) Synchronized Swimming
29) The Babysitter's Club and Sweet Valley High
30) Canada Day in Ottawa
31) Waterpolo
On the occasion of Kelly-Anne's 31st birthday, here is a list of things that remind me of her. Happy birthday, dear friend!
1) Curly hair
2) Lifeguards
3) Bon Jovi
4) Concordia University
5) Thorndale Pool
6) Cedar Drive
7) Ashley MacIssac
8) The Olympics
9) Great Big Sea
10) Adventuring
11) Greendale Elementary School
12) Saint Anne de Bellevue
13) People who laugh a lot
14) Dwayne and Marmaduke
15) Rugby
16) Smurfs
17) Friends rumaging through my pantry
18) Dirty Dancing
19) Handcrafted greeting cards
20) Driving through the park
21) San Diego
22) Rum balls
23) New Year's Eve
24) People who talk with their hands
25) Irish Pubs
26) Plattsburgh
27) Bryan Adams
28) Synchronized Swimming
29) The Babysitter's Club and Sweet Valley High
30) Canada Day in Ottawa
31) Waterpolo
On the occasion of Kelly-Anne's 31st birthday, here is a list of things that remind me of her. Happy birthday, dear friend!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Kim speaks to The Gazette about her sister
Check out this great interview Kimmy did with The Gazette about the loss of Kelly-Anne.
http://www.montrealgazette.com/Video+Sister+Keeper/3825468/story.html
http://www.montrealgazette.com/Video+Sister+Keeper/3825468/story.html
Friday, October 29, 2010
Special Birthday
They say the years pass by fast as you get older. When I was a child, for example, the schoolyear seemed to take forever. As I've aged, a year can fly by in a blink of an eye. It is seriously hard to believe that Kimmy is celebrating such a big birthday this year. Seems like just yesterday that she was an adorable elementary school student. Given that you only have a milestone birthday such as this once in life, I wanted to post a birthday tribute to Kimberly Drummond, Kelly-Anne's little sister.
Kimmy is fiercly independant--but she's also very loyal. She has a "can do" spirit and a good heart. She is adventerous and loves to travel. Unlike her big sister
and me, she's actually been to Australia and Europe, and has lived and worked in many different parts of Canada.
Kimmy loves beer, boys, barbeque, and icecream. (Sometimes in that order!) Kimmy is also passionate about her family and her cats. She loves them beyond measure.
She loves all kinds of physical excercise--she plays squash, swims, lifeguards, and much more. She is strong. Intellectually, emotionally, and physically. Kimmy has had to endure more than her fair share of struggles in life. Like many of us, she's had very high ups, but she's also had very low lows. She lost her best friend and big sister but has carried herself through this grief with
more grace and strength than most of could have if we were in her shoes. And she hasn't let that grief and loss define her, either.
Kimmy has so much to offer the world--more than she gives herself credit for at times. She's kind, compassionate, beautiful, intelligent, empathetic, and self-reliant. She has a heart for children with special needs, and works tirelessley to help them realize their potential.
So, join me in wishing Kimmy a happy birthday on this first day of a new decade in her life. Cheers to it being her best one yet!
Kimmy is fiercly independant--but she's also very loyal. She has a "can do" spirit and a good heart. She is adventerous and loves to travel. Unlike her big sister
and me, she's actually been to Australia and Europe, and has lived and worked in many different parts of Canada. Kimmy loves beer, boys, barbeque, and icecream. (Sometimes in that order!) Kimmy is also passionate about her family and her cats. She loves them beyond measure.
She loves all kinds of physical excercise--she plays squash, swims, lifeguards, and much more. She is strong. Intellectually, emotionally, and physically. Kimmy has had to endure more than her fair share of struggles in life. Like many of us, she's had very high ups, but she's also had very low lows. She lost her best friend and big sister but has carried herself through this grief with
more grace and strength than most of could have if we were in her shoes. And she hasn't let that grief and loss define her, either.
Kimmy has so much to offer the world--more than she gives herself credit for at times. She's kind, compassionate, beautiful, intelligent, empathetic, and self-reliant. She has a heart for children with special needs, and works tirelessley to help them realize their potential.
So, join me in wishing Kimmy a happy birthday on this first day of a new decade in her life. Cheers to it being her best one yet!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
A letter I wrote to Kell on August 28, 2000
Monday, August 28, 2000
Dear Kelly-Anne,
I thought it might be fun to send you some mail using good old Canada Post. How are you? I am doing fine, I am at work today, and I am typing this letter using a very neat typewriter whcih means it is a lot more difficult because I can't delete anything once it is down on the page.
Kelly-Anne, I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your amazing friendship. I am so pleased to be able to call you my best friend. You have been here for me since I was a little girl and I value that deeply. I can not tell you how much it means to me to have you aroudn. I know that I can always call you or see you and I can tell you anything at all. Thank you, Kell. I love you so much.
You and Kimmy are like the sisters I never had and that is invaluable. I know that we will be friends forever and my children will call you Auntie Kell.
Kelly-Anne, you are a very special and talented young woman. You are smart, beautiful, athletic, caring, kind, compassionate, friendly, funny, and so much more. You are very blessed. I know you will make an excellent mother one day.
Kell, I want you to know that I will ALWAYS be there for you. You are my best firend and you always will be. I can't wait to see how the rest of our lives turn out but I know we will both be successful and happy people. Kell, have a great day and smile because you are a wonderful person and you are very much loved.
Love you always,
Rachel
This letter makes me SO sad. It makes me sad that Kell's journey was cut short. That she never got to accomplish all the things she wanted to in life. But it also makes me happy that at least I took the time (although not nearly often enough!) to tell Kell what a great friend she was.
Dear Kelly-Anne,
I thought it might be fun to send you some mail using good old Canada Post. How are you? I am doing fine, I am at work today, and I am typing this letter using a very neat typewriter whcih means it is a lot more difficult because I can't delete anything once it is down on the page.
Kelly-Anne, I just wanted to let you know that I really appreciate your amazing friendship. I am so pleased to be able to call you my best friend. You have been here for me since I was a little girl and I value that deeply. I can not tell you how much it means to me to have you aroudn. I know that I can always call you or see you and I can tell you anything at all. Thank you, Kell. I love you so much.
You and Kimmy are like the sisters I never had and that is invaluable. I know that we will be friends forever and my children will call you Auntie Kell.
Kelly-Anne, you are a very special and talented young woman. You are smart, beautiful, athletic, caring, kind, compassionate, friendly, funny, and so much more. You are very blessed. I know you will make an excellent mother one day.
Kell, I want you to know that I will ALWAYS be there for you. You are my best firend and you always will be. I can't wait to see how the rest of our lives turn out but I know we will both be successful and happy people. Kell, have a great day and smile because you are a wonderful person and you are very much loved.
Love you always,
Rachel
This letter makes me SO sad. It makes me sad that Kell's journey was cut short. That she never got to accomplish all the things she wanted to in life. But it also makes me happy that at least I took the time (although not nearly often enough!) to tell Kell what a great friend she was.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The ways people have helped me...
I've experienced the full range of human emotion from others since Kelly-Anne died. I've seen it all--the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. Here are some of the kindest, sweetest, most loving gestures I've experienced since Kell died.
--When I returned to work (a job I had held for only 2 months) after Kelly-Anne died, my boss at the time had a lovely vase of flowers with a short note waiting for me. She was an incredibly reserved, understated woman. But she made sure I knew she was thinking of me and that she was deeply touched by this experience.
--There were a couple of friends of mine who--despite being at far distance--made it clear that they wanted to support me and that they would do anything that was necessary. I can vividly remember one friend, in particular, who would listen for HOURS at a time to me talk on the phone about Kelly-Anne as I tried to work through my grief.
--My parents--who knew Kelly-Anne for just as long as I did--returned with me to Washington after her funeral and helped me get back into a routine. I can't remember how long they stayed (I'm pretty sure it must have been a few weeks) but they demonstrated how much they cared by helping me get settled.
--Friends of Kelly-Anne's whom I didn't even know before her death reach out to me all the time. Sometimes they write to tell me a story about Kell or send me a photo. Other times they just mention how much they miss her. I love that! It reminds me how much Kelly-Anne was loved and how she is still missed by more than her family and closest friends.
--One friend at work found out about Kelly-Anne's death and brought me the most amazing bouquet of flowers for my desk on the third anniversary of her death. I was SO touched I couldn't even speak for several minutes after she dropped these off. The gesture was grand and incredibly well timed and it helped carry me through a rough patch.
--My friend, Nic Wright, stayed up with me and my husband basically all night on the evening before Kell's wake to produce the tribute video that we played at the funeral home. It was SO, SO important for us to remember Kell's life, not just the tragic way she died. Nic gave so generously of his time and his equipment to help create a memory that is still one of my most treasured posessions.
--Countless strangers and new friends have happened upon this blog and taken the time to read Kell's story and right a note or comment about how it touched them. It means the world to us to know that Kelly-Anne's memory lives on in people who didnt' even know her when she was alive.
--There have been lots of lasting memorials erected to Kelly-Anne all over the West Island. There is a room with her name on it at the DDO Aquatic Center, a tree planted out front of Greendale school, the Kelly-Anne Drummond memorial cup awarded to either McGill or Concordia after a rugby match, and a marble bench in a park in Pierrefonds, among others. Each of these things gives me a boost when I need it most.
All of the above examples illustrate that there are numerous ways to reach and support a friend--or even a stranger--during a time of trial. It is essential to realize that people going through a crisis need to know they are loved and supported.
Many fear that their words or remarks may upset someone who is grieving so they don't say anything at all. Don't be that person. Know that with or without your words, the person's loved one is never far from their mind or their thoughts. Being the person who ignores the tragedy and constantly changes the subject or clams up if it comes up is very hurtful. Showing you care helps the grief stricken person realize he or she is not alone. And that is invaluable.
--When I returned to work (a job I had held for only 2 months) after Kelly-Anne died, my boss at the time had a lovely vase of flowers with a short note waiting for me. She was an incredibly reserved, understated woman. But she made sure I knew she was thinking of me and that she was deeply touched by this experience.
--There were a couple of friends of mine who--despite being at far distance--made it clear that they wanted to support me and that they would do anything that was necessary. I can vividly remember one friend, in particular, who would listen for HOURS at a time to me talk on the phone about Kelly-Anne as I tried to work through my grief.
--My parents--who knew Kelly-Anne for just as long as I did--returned with me to Washington after her funeral and helped me get back into a routine. I can't remember how long they stayed (I'm pretty sure it must have been a few weeks) but they demonstrated how much they cared by helping me get settled.
--Friends of Kelly-Anne's whom I didn't even know before her death reach out to me all the time. Sometimes they write to tell me a story about Kell or send me a photo. Other times they just mention how much they miss her. I love that! It reminds me how much Kelly-Anne was loved and how she is still missed by more than her family and closest friends.
--One friend at work found out about Kelly-Anne's death and brought me the most amazing bouquet of flowers for my desk on the third anniversary of her death. I was SO touched I couldn't even speak for several minutes after she dropped these off. The gesture was grand and incredibly well timed and it helped carry me through a rough patch.
--My friend, Nic Wright, stayed up with me and my husband basically all night on the evening before Kell's wake to produce the tribute video that we played at the funeral home. It was SO, SO important for us to remember Kell's life, not just the tragic way she died. Nic gave so generously of his time and his equipment to help create a memory that is still one of my most treasured posessions.
--Countless strangers and new friends have happened upon this blog and taken the time to read Kell's story and right a note or comment about how it touched them. It means the world to us to know that Kelly-Anne's memory lives on in people who didnt' even know her when she was alive.
--There have been lots of lasting memorials erected to Kelly-Anne all over the West Island. There is a room with her name on it at the DDO Aquatic Center, a tree planted out front of Greendale school, the Kelly-Anne Drummond memorial cup awarded to either McGill or Concordia after a rugby match, and a marble bench in a park in Pierrefonds, among others. Each of these things gives me a boost when I need it most.
All of the above examples illustrate that there are numerous ways to reach and support a friend--or even a stranger--during a time of trial. It is essential to realize that people going through a crisis need to know they are loved and supported.
Many fear that their words or remarks may upset someone who is grieving so they don't say anything at all. Don't be that person. Know that with or without your words, the person's loved one is never far from their mind or their thoughts. Being the person who ignores the tragedy and constantly changes the subject or clams up if it comes up is very hurtful. Showing you care helps the grief stricken person realize he or she is not alone. And that is invaluable.
A mother's grief
I came across this beautiful poem on Kristy's wondeful website, Waiting for Happy. I encourage you to check it out--she writes about her experience as a young mom of five children, two of whom are already in heaven.
I'm not a mother and I've never lost a child, but I thought this poem was beautiful and it certainly sums up how I feel about Kelly-Anne. I never, ever mind talking about her. In fact, I wish I had more chances to talk about her!
People just don't know what to do when someone has experienced such an enormous loss. I can't tell you how many times someone has looked at me stunned when they find out about Kell and quickly changed the subject to something more comfortable. I know Doreen has experienced this as well.
I'm not suggesting that we should spend all day talking about our grief and loss, but I am suggesting that when it comes up naturally in the course of conversation it is important not to stifle those feelings. Next time you are interacting with someone who has survived a tragedy, remember that they could always use your love and support and that changing the subject and moving on quickly doesn't seem particularly loving.
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~
In my next post, I will discuss some of the most lovely gestures that I've experienced since Kelly-Anne died.
I'm not a mother and I've never lost a child, but I thought this poem was beautiful and it certainly sums up how I feel about Kelly-Anne. I never, ever mind talking about her. In fact, I wish I had more chances to talk about her!
People just don't know what to do when someone has experienced such an enormous loss. I can't tell you how many times someone has looked at me stunned when they find out about Kell and quickly changed the subject to something more comfortable. I know Doreen has experienced this as well.
I'm not suggesting that we should spend all day talking about our grief and loss, but I am suggesting that when it comes up naturally in the course of conversation it is important not to stifle those feelings. Next time you are interacting with someone who has survived a tragedy, remember that they could always use your love and support and that changing the subject and moving on quickly doesn't seem particularly loving.
Go ahead and mention my child,
The one that died, you know.
Don't worry about hurting me further.
The depth of my pain doesn't show.
Don't worry about making me cry.
I'm already crying inside.
Help me to heal by releasing
The tears that I try to hide.
I'm hurt when you just keep silent,
Pretending she didn't exist.
I'd rather you mention my child,
Knowing that she has been missed.
You asked me how I was doing.
I say "pretty good" or "fine".
But healing is something ongoing
I feel it will take a lifetime.
~ Elizabeth Dent ~
In my next post, I will discuss some of the most lovely gestures that I've experienced since Kelly-Anne died.
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
Raising a glass
I often get asked how one learns to cope with such epic tragedy. How does life ever get back to normal? The answer is that it doesn't. But you do learn to cope with the new reality of life without your loved one.
One of the best ways I've found of doing that is by doing something your loved one loved. In a small but real way it helps you feel connected. It lifts your spirits to know that you are doing something your friend would have enjoyed.
Tonight I am celebrating a good friend's new job. I had no idea we were going to an Irish Pub. Once I realized what kind of joint it was I couldn't help but smile. Kell would have LOVED this. We've laughed, raised a pint, ate a good meal, and played pub trivia. This would have made her so happy. It has made me happy too.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
I will never forget you
There are raindrops falling steadily in Northern Virginia. And for the first time this year there's a chill in the autumn air. I'm wearing cute jeans with even cuter LL Bean flip flops. Kell would approve.
As I watch the clock tick toward 8 o'clock on this most horrid of days, my mind races with thoughts of Kell's last moments. I can't think of anything else even six long years later.
I wonder what how Kell felt on this evening. I hope she never gained enough consciousness to realize what had happened after she was attacked from behind. But I can't help but hope she knew how loved and adored she was...
I know she did. And I think she knows she still is loved and adored by those of us still here.
I will never, ever forget you, Kelly-Anne Drummond. Thank you for 20 years of laughter, smiles, crazy antics, joy, high school drama, neighborhood bonding, funny nicknames, unsolicited advice, and endless adventures. You were a class act and I'm lucky to have had you as a best friend and as close to a sister as I'll ever have.
As I watch the clock tick toward 8 o'clock on this most horrid of days, my mind races with thoughts of Kell's last moments. I can't think of anything else even six long years later.
I wonder what how Kell felt on this evening. I hope she never gained enough consciousness to realize what had happened after she was attacked from behind. But I can't help but hope she knew how loved and adored she was...
I know she did. And I think she knows she still is loved and adored by those of us still here.
I will never, ever forget you, Kelly-Anne Drummond. Thank you for 20 years of laughter, smiles, crazy antics, joy, high school drama, neighborhood bonding, funny nicknames, unsolicited advice, and endless adventures. You were a class act and I'm lucky to have had you as a best friend and as close to a sister as I'll ever have.
Honoring Kelly-Anne's memory
Today is about honoring the memory of my best friend. Today is about remembering what made Kelly-Anne special and unique. I hope you will join today in paying tribute to Kelly-Anne Drummond. Here's what I will do today to remember Kell:
Pray for the repose of Kelly-Anne's soul and for strength, peace, and grace for all those who loved her.
Tell my family and friends how grateful I am for their love and support.
Watch the tribute video we created for her wake.
Look through my photos and remember some of my favorite stories about Kell.
Reread her letters and postcards and laugh at her silly antics.
Light a candle and listen to some of the Ashley MacIssac music Kell loved so much.
How are you remembering Kelly-Anne?
Pray for the repose of Kelly-Anne's soul and for strength, peace, and grace for all those who loved her.
Tell my family and friends how grateful I am for their love and support.
Watch the tribute video we created for her wake.
Look through my photos and remember some of my favorite stories about Kell.
Reread her letters and postcards and laugh at her silly antics.
Light a candle and listen to some of the Ashley MacIssac music Kell loved so much.
How are you remembering Kelly-Anne?
On a Sunday just like this one...
Today is the sixth anniversary of the attack that claimed Kelly-Anne's life.
On October 3, 2004, Kelly-Anne had just returned from a trip to Italy. She seemed in good spirits outwardly, but her thoughts must have been consumed with the dark situation in which she found herself. Kell was in a relationship that had turned sour. She believed she could handle it, that she and Marty could break up "like adults."
From what we know, Kell's last day alive was rather ordinary. She was recovering from jet lag from her trip and resting after a busy week at work. She was probably doing laundry and getting her things unpacked. Knowing Kell, she was looking through a craft magazine or website, thinking about some autumnal Martha Stewart projects she would tackle. She was probably also plotting how she could save money--Kell was extremely thrifty with her resources and I bet she was planning on being even thriftier than usual after her expensive trip abroad... Kell was cooking dinner (porkchops) for her and Marty.
Sometime that evening, Kelly-Anne and Marty's landlord knocked at the door to ask after their rent. Apparently, some portion of the rent hadn't been paid despite the fact that Kelly-Anne had left it for Marty before she went away. Apparently, Marty had decided to "hold back" some of the rent money instead of giving it to their landlord.
I'm sure Kelly-Anne was upset when the landlord left their apartment. That kind of irresponsible behavior didn't sit well with her (not even when we were children or teenagers!). According to Marty, they began to argue.
That fall Sunday, only a few weeks before her 25th birthday, was Kelly-Anne's last day on earth. For reasons that escape reason, Marty attacked Kelly-Anne on that fateful night. Her injuries were fatal.
Kell's death was tragic. And it was senseless. By all rights, Kelly-Anne should have lived a long and happy life. Instead, her infectious joy and spirit were snuffed out by a selfish, violent, and volatile individual.
For Kelly-Anne's family and friends, the world became a colder, darker place on October 3, 2004.
On October 3, 2004, Kelly-Anne had just returned from a trip to Italy. She seemed in good spirits outwardly, but her thoughts must have been consumed with the dark situation in which she found herself. Kell was in a relationship that had turned sour. She believed she could handle it, that she and Marty could break up "like adults."
From what we know, Kell's last day alive was rather ordinary. She was recovering from jet lag from her trip and resting after a busy week at work. She was probably doing laundry and getting her things unpacked. Knowing Kell, she was looking through a craft magazine or website, thinking about some autumnal Martha Stewart projects she would tackle. She was probably also plotting how she could save money--Kell was extremely thrifty with her resources and I bet she was planning on being even thriftier than usual after her expensive trip abroad... Kell was cooking dinner (porkchops) for her and Marty.
Sometime that evening, Kelly-Anne and Marty's landlord knocked at the door to ask after their rent. Apparently, some portion of the rent hadn't been paid despite the fact that Kelly-Anne had left it for Marty before she went away. Apparently, Marty had decided to "hold back" some of the rent money instead of giving it to their landlord.
I'm sure Kelly-Anne was upset when the landlord left their apartment. That kind of irresponsible behavior didn't sit well with her (not even when we were children or teenagers!). According to Marty, they began to argue.
That fall Sunday, only a few weeks before her 25th birthday, was Kelly-Anne's last day on earth. For reasons that escape reason, Marty attacked Kelly-Anne on that fateful night. Her injuries were fatal.
Kell's death was tragic. And it was senseless. By all rights, Kelly-Anne should have lived a long and happy life. Instead, her infectious joy and spirit were snuffed out by a selfish, violent, and volatile individual.
For Kelly-Anne's family and friends, the world became a colder, darker place on October 3, 2004.
Nice memories from Kelly-Anne's dad
Here are some nice memories from Kell's father, John. He posted these on Kelly-Anne's mom, Doreen's blog... Read her post here.
Thank-you Doreen for your postings about Kell on your blog. I have just finished a one hour & twenty minute phone call with Val Ayerst. We did alot of remembering of our beautiful daughter. As you know this year is the first year that everything coincides to the day. This is especially very hard for me. Adrienne and I layed flowers today at her graveside. There was alot of water covering many markers but none at Kell's. This was strange to see. I had expected to see water covering her marker but it was dry. Being such a swimmer Kell would have basked at the moment. As I write this I am listening to some music from The Trans Siberian Orchestra, who are known for Christmas Music. There is one song in particular that Kell liked, Christmas Canon. I can play this now or in December or July, I will always think of Kell.Not exactly East coast music, but she liked it.
This Saturday night brings back many memories to me. Kell was here telling us about her recent trip to Italy. We laughed until we were almost crying about her adventures. When I drove her back to her apartment, I did not know that I would not see her again. This will be with me for the rest of my life. But the moments that we had that night will be embedded in my memory forever.
Kell is gone in body, but her spirit and memory will be with us and many others for ever.
Thank-you Doreen for your postings about Kell on your blog. I have just finished a one hour & twenty minute phone call with Val Ayerst. We did alot of remembering of our beautiful daughter. As you know this year is the first year that everything coincides to the day. This is especially very hard for me. Adrienne and I layed flowers today at her graveside. There was alot of water covering many markers but none at Kell's. This was strange to see. I had expected to see water covering her marker but it was dry. Being such a swimmer Kell would have basked at the moment. As I write this I am listening to some music from The Trans Siberian Orchestra, who are known for Christmas Music. There is one song in particular that Kell liked, Christmas Canon. I can play this now or in December or July, I will always think of Kell.Not exactly East coast music, but she liked it.
This Saturday night brings back many memories to me. Kell was here telling us about her recent trip to Italy. We laughed until we were almost crying about her adventures. When I drove her back to her apartment, I did not know that I would not see her again. This will be with me for the rest of my life. But the moments that we had that night will be embedded in my memory forever.
Kell is gone in body, but her spirit and memory will be with us and many others for ever.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
The little things
Once in a while I pass someone on the street who has beautiful brown curly hair and is small in stature but looks strong. I can't help but stare and do a double take. In the split scond before my logic takes over, I am elated! Like Doreen, I sometimes imagine Kell's just away on another of her trips. Seeing the world. Somewhere like Hawaii, Australia, or Fiji!
Sometimes I am reminded of Kelly-Anne in different ways. One of my friends, in particular, frequently reminds me of Kell in expression or gesture. She looks nothing like Kelly-Anne physically, but sometimes my friend will exclaim something with enthusiasm and I can't help but laugh and smile because I could imagine those words coming right out of Kell's mouth. It is just a small thing, but it brings me joy and reminds me of the enormous degree of energy, vigor, enthusiasm, and good cheer Kell posessed.
Sometimes I am reminded of Kelly-Anne in different ways. One of my friends, in particular, frequently reminds me of Kell in expression or gesture. She looks nothing like Kelly-Anne physically, but sometimes my friend will exclaim something with enthusiasm and I can't help but laugh and smile because I could imagine those words coming right out of Kell's mouth. It is just a small thing, but it brings me joy and reminds me of the enormous degree of energy, vigor, enthusiasm, and good cheer Kell posessed.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Some light reading...
Over the weekend I was feeling pretty crummy so I decided to pick up a fiction book for a little light, fun reading. I probably should have thought more carefully before I got into this one, though, because it was neither light nor uplifting. While My Sister Sleeps, by Barbara Delinsky, is a great book. But I wasn't prepared for the emotions that engulfed me as I read it. An elite athlete suffers a fluke heart attack and is placed on life support as doctors determine she is brain dead. In the end, the family must decide to remove her life support and let go of their beautiful daughter who was gone far too soon. Heavy stuff, particularly when it is a little too similar to real life situations you are all too familiar with.
Anyhow, even though it upset me, I did like the book in the end. And her other books are equally good.
Anyhow, even though it upset me, I did like the book in the end. And her other books are equally good.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
trips and travel
Doreen has started a series of posts over at her blog to honor Kelly-Anne's memory in the lead up to the tragic sixth anniversary of her death. If you aren't already reading her blog, make sure you head on over and check it out...
Hard to believe we've already arrived at six long years since Kell died. Six years ago I had just moved to Washington. Kell and I had big plans for her to come visit ASAP. She had been planning to come to Ohio when I was studying there, but the trip was just so long that we never could figure out how to make it happen. As Kell put it in one funny e-mail to me:
Raye...I was looking for the tickets for Ohio, am I am having second thoughts. It is very time consuming and the trips have 23 stops each leaving from Montreal. Going from Windsor to Athens takes 20hours...according to a map the two cities are not that far apart....they must drive around in circles, or go north to go south.
So, for obvious reasons, the Ohio trip never happened. But we knew Washington to Montreal was a much, much easier trip. We would have had a good time together exploring this city. I could just imagine the two of us getting into all manner of mischief as we went adventuring. Too bad Kelly-Anne never got to make the trip.
Hard to believe we've already arrived at six long years since Kell died. Six years ago I had just moved to Washington. Kell and I had big plans for her to come visit ASAP. She had been planning to come to Ohio when I was studying there, but the trip was just so long that we never could figure out how to make it happen. As Kell put it in one funny e-mail to me:
Raye...I was looking for the tickets for Ohio, am I am having second thoughts. It is very time consuming and the trips have 23 stops each leaving from Montreal. Going from Windsor to Athens takes 20hours...according to a map the two cities are not that far apart....they must drive around in circles, or go north to go south.
So, for obvious reasons, the Ohio trip never happened. But we knew Washington to Montreal was a much, much easier trip. We would have had a good time together exploring this city. I could just imagine the two of us getting into all manner of mischief as we went adventuring. Too bad Kelly-Anne never got to make the trip.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Seven Quick Takes: The Kelly-Anne Drummond Edition
Concordia won the Kelly-Anne Drummmond Cup this year. Although my loyalty to McGill runs deep, I can't help but be pleased. That is how it should be.
**********
Hard to believe that nearly six years of my life have passed without Kelly-Anne to share them. Sometimes I feel like I am still in a nightmare. Once in a while, I catch myself thinking I need to tell Kell something right away. Then I remember.
**********
My curly hair is getting decidely less curly every year. Why can't I have curls like Kell did? She had the most amazing ringlets. My curls? They are now close to waves and no product I find seems to make a difference at all.
**********
The man who murdered Kelly-Anne only has about seven more years to serve in jail before he's elligible for parole. I can't think about this without having my blood boil. Seriously? Second degree murder of a vibrant 24 year old woman in the prime of her life and he only gets 13 years? What is wrong with that picture? And, more importantly, why aren't Canadians more outraged by their justice system.
**********
I love the fall season--especially here where the weather is so humid all of the time. But as the nights turn colder and the days get shorter, I begin to think about Kelly-Anne constantly and relive all of the lasts. Last time I saw her. Last time I spoke to her. Last time she went on a trip. Her last postcard from Italy. Last, last, last. It is all so sad.
**********
When Kell, Kim, and I were little girls, we each had a striped tee shirt (mine and Kell's were red and Kimmy's was blue, I think?) that featured a WWII era poster with a pin up girl wishing she could join the navy. Does anyone else remember those shirts? They looked like this. Anyway, I recently saw magnets like this for sale at the Marine Corps Museum and so, of course, I had to purchase one for me and one for Kimmy for her upcoming birthday. It made me smile. Hopefully it will make her smile too.
**********
Not sure where I'll go from here with this blog. I haven't been posting as regularly, but I will still continue to update from time to time as the mood strikes. I know many of Kell's other family and friends check in here on a regular basis, so please feel free to send me e-mails of your memories and I'll happily post them.
Quick Takes are hosted every Friday over at the Conversion Diary. This is a grat idea and I've always wanted to participate. Head over and read some others if you are interested...
**********
Hard to believe that nearly six years of my life have passed without Kelly-Anne to share them. Sometimes I feel like I am still in a nightmare. Once in a while, I catch myself thinking I need to tell Kell something right away. Then I remember.
**********
My curly hair is getting decidely less curly every year. Why can't I have curls like Kell did? She had the most amazing ringlets. My curls? They are now close to waves and no product I find seems to make a difference at all.
**********
The man who murdered Kelly-Anne only has about seven more years to serve in jail before he's elligible for parole. I can't think about this without having my blood boil. Seriously? Second degree murder of a vibrant 24 year old woman in the prime of her life and he only gets 13 years? What is wrong with that picture? And, more importantly, why aren't Canadians more outraged by their justice system.
**********
I love the fall season--especially here where the weather is so humid all of the time. But as the nights turn colder and the days get shorter, I begin to think about Kelly-Anne constantly and relive all of the lasts. Last time I saw her. Last time I spoke to her. Last time she went on a trip. Her last postcard from Italy. Last, last, last. It is all so sad.
**********
When Kell, Kim, and I were little girls, we each had a striped tee shirt (mine and Kell's were red and Kimmy's was blue, I think?) that featured a WWII era poster with a pin up girl wishing she could join the navy. Does anyone else remember those shirts? They looked like this. Anyway, I recently saw magnets like this for sale at the Marine Corps Museum and so, of course, I had to purchase one for me and one for Kimmy for her upcoming birthday. It made me smile. Hopefully it will make her smile too.
**********
Not sure where I'll go from here with this blog. I haven't been posting as regularly, but I will still continue to update from time to time as the mood strikes. I know many of Kell's other family and friends check in here on a regular basis, so please feel free to send me e-mails of your memories and I'll happily post them.
Quick Takes are hosted every Friday over at the Conversion Diary. This is a grat idea and I've always wanted to participate. Head over and read some others if you are interested...
Wednesday, September 08, 2010
The Kelly-Anne Cup
Each year, Concordia and McGill face off in an annual women's rugby game in memory of Kelly-Anne. This year's game will be played TONIGHT, September 8, 2010, at 8:30 pm on the Loyola field across from Concordia in N.D.G. The Kelly-Anne Drummond Cup is presented to the winning team and funds raised are donated to Women Aware.
Edited: Concordia won this year's match and there's a fabulous game recap from their newspaper available here. My favorite quote comes from the team captain:
Jackie Tittley had an important mission on Wednesday night at Concordia stadium. The women's rugby captain was responsible for keeping the Kelly-Anne Drummond Cup safely in her grip, and out of McGill's hands. "I have to keep it safe, it's an important piece," she joked as she cradled the glass trophy. "It's under very high security."
Edited: Concordia won this year's match and there's a fabulous game recap from their newspaper available here. My favorite quote comes from the team captain:
Jackie Tittley had an important mission on Wednesday night at Concordia stadium. The women's rugby captain was responsible for keeping the Kelly-Anne Drummond Cup safely in her grip, and out of McGill's hands. "I have to keep it safe, it's an important piece," she joked as she cradled the glass trophy. "It's under very high security."
Wednesday, May 05, 2010
A similar situation?
New details being revealed in the sad case of Yeardley Love's murder... And, sadly, many similarities to a story we all know too well. Here are just a few of the similarities:
--The victim and the accused were involved in a romantic relationship, but were in the process of breaking up.
Kelly-Anne and Marty were also in the process of ending their relationship.
--The accused was known for being violent and especially "aggressive when he drank." In 2008, he was arrested and shocked with a stun gun after a violent encounter with a police officer. He also threatened to "kill everyone" upon his arrest.
After Kelly-Anne was murdered it became known that Marty had a violent track record, especially in past relationships. Marty had also been charged and acquitted of uttering death threats and was prevented from possessing weapons.
--The media is reporting that friends of the victim and the accused say that the accused tried to attack the victim in public just weeks ago. Police are also investigating claims that the accused may have issued threats via text message.
According to the testimony of several of her close friends, Marty was violent toward Kelly-Anne and issued threats including in the weeks leading up to her death.
--The accused admits to a violent altercation with the victim immediately prior to her death but says her death was an "accident that turned tragic." He claims to have shaken her, causing her head to bang against a wall repeatedly.
Never in the time since she died has Marty admitted to Kelly-Anne's death. Instead he claimed that he and Kelly-Anne were arguing, he threw his hands up in frustration, sending the steak knife with which he'd been eating through the air, stabbing her in the back of the neck. The defense theorized that Kell tripped on a soft-drink bottle and fell back against the stove, which pushed the knife farther into base of her skull, snapping off the blade. Obviously, the jury recognized this tall tale for what it was.
There are a few disturbing differences in how these cases will be prosecuted, however:
--George Huguely has been charged with first degree murder in the death of Yeardley Love. In the state of Virginia, this is a class one felony that carries a punishment of death or life in prison with no parole.
Martin Morin-Cousineau, on the other hand, was charged only with second degree murder in the death of Kelly-Anne Drummond. He will be eligible for parole after 13 years.
Anyone else think there's something seriously wrong with this picture? I could easily make the case that--simply by virtue of the weapon of choice (knife v. hands)--Cousineau intended more deadly harm than Huguely.
Why do Quebecers put up with a justice system that is so lenient to its most violent criminals?
--The victim and the accused were involved in a romantic relationship, but were in the process of breaking up.
Kelly-Anne and Marty were also in the process of ending their relationship.
--The accused was known for being violent and especially "aggressive when he drank." In 2008, he was arrested and shocked with a stun gun after a violent encounter with a police officer. He also threatened to "kill everyone" upon his arrest.
After Kelly-Anne was murdered it became known that Marty had a violent track record, especially in past relationships. Marty had also been charged and acquitted of uttering death threats and was prevented from possessing weapons.
--The media is reporting that friends of the victim and the accused say that the accused tried to attack the victim in public just weeks ago. Police are also investigating claims that the accused may have issued threats via text message.
According to the testimony of several of her close friends, Marty was violent toward Kelly-Anne and issued threats including in the weeks leading up to her death.
--The accused admits to a violent altercation with the victim immediately prior to her death but says her death was an "accident that turned tragic." He claims to have shaken her, causing her head to bang against a wall repeatedly.
Never in the time since she died has Marty admitted to Kelly-Anne's death. Instead he claimed that he and Kelly-Anne were arguing, he threw his hands up in frustration, sending the steak knife with which he'd been eating through the air, stabbing her in the back of the neck. The defense theorized that Kell tripped on a soft-drink bottle and fell back against the stove, which pushed the knife farther into base of her skull, snapping off the blade. Obviously, the jury recognized this tall tale for what it was.
There are a few disturbing differences in how these cases will be prosecuted, however:
--George Huguely has been charged with first degree murder in the death of Yeardley Love. In the state of Virginia, this is a class one felony that carries a punishment of death or life in prison with no parole.
Martin Morin-Cousineau, on the other hand, was charged only with second degree murder in the death of Kelly-Anne Drummond. He will be eligible for parole after 13 years.
Anyone else think there's something seriously wrong with this picture? I could easily make the case that--simply by virtue of the weapon of choice (knife v. hands)--Cousineau intended more deadly harm than Huguely.
Why do Quebecers put up with a justice system that is so lenient to its most violent criminals?
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Rest in peace, Yeardley Love
I don't know what it is about these kinds of crimes, but I can't ever seem to get them out of my head. Another accomplished, athletic young woman cut down in the prime of her life by a man with whom had been romantically involved.
You may have seen the news stories about the "Lacrosse Murders" at the University of Virginia. Yeardley Love, was found dead in a pool of blood in her apartment. Her former boyfriend, George Huguely, has been accused of first degree murder. Both the victim and the accused are 22 and both play lacrosse for UVA. A more detailed summary of the case can be found here. A video is also embedded below.
Yeardley seems like she was a great girl--an elite athlete, she is remembered by her friends as smart, personable, kind, and friendly. I hope that her friends and family will help make that her legacy, rather than the tragic way she died.
I can only imagine what the Love family and all of Yeardley's friends are going through as they try to deal with this horrible tragedy. I will keep them and the entire lacrosse community in my thoughts and prayers.
You may have seen the news stories about the "Lacrosse Murders" at the University of Virginia. Yeardley Love, was found dead in a pool of blood in her apartment. Her former boyfriend, George Huguely, has been accused of first degree murder. Both the victim and the accused are 22 and both play lacrosse for UVA. A more detailed summary of the case can be found here. A video is also embedded below.
Yeardley seems like she was a great girl--an elite athlete, she is remembered by her friends as smart, personable, kind, and friendly. I hope that her friends and family will help make that her legacy, rather than the tragic way she died.
I can only imagine what the Love family and all of Yeardley's friends are going through as they try to deal with this horrible tragedy. I will keep them and the entire lacrosse community in my thoughts and prayers.
Monday, April 05, 2010
In the pool
I've been swimming again a few times in recent weeks, and I must say, I have been enjoying it tremendously. I can't possibly enter an aquatic center without thinking about Kelly-Anne. That's actually one of the things I have been really enjoying. Swimming laps gives me time to think about Kelly-Anne. Everytime I smell the chlorine or see the cute lifeguards watching out for the swimmers I remember precious Kell. I'm not the only one. Doreen, Kell's mom, feels the same way whenever she swims.
Although I would really love to be able to have Kell physically swimming right alongside me, I know she's with me in spirit. And I take great comfort in that.
Although I would really love to be able to have Kell physically swimming right alongside me, I know she's with me in spirit. And I take great comfort in that.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
A Challenge
Losing someone you love--whether to illness, accident, or murder--is one of the most painful things we can go through on this earth. Everytime we hear of tragedy, we all hope and pray that it isn't our own child, sibling, parent, or friend. But we have no control over such things.
I am firmly convinced that we all have a role to play in encouraging those around us who are struggling with major challenges such as illness and loss. So often, we recognize the magnitude of the tragedy unfolding around us but we think there is nothing we can say or do to make it better or less painful.
I want to challenge you to think carefully about that assumption. There are always ways you can help, whether it is cooking a meal for the family; driving the patient to an appointment; visiting the hospital; sending a card, letter, or email of encouragment; remembering the family in prayer; or simply offering a kind word to someone in need. These are things we need to remember.
So the next time you hear of a tragic illness or loss, I urge you to do SOMETHING. Do not make excuses for yourself about not knowing someone well enough or not knowing what to say. Trust me, a thoughtful gesture--no matter how imperfect--will be rememebered for a long time and will be a big boost for someone in need.
I am firmly convinced that we all have a role to play in encouraging those around us who are struggling with major challenges such as illness and loss. So often, we recognize the magnitude of the tragedy unfolding around us but we think there is nothing we can say or do to make it better or less painful.
I want to challenge you to think carefully about that assumption. There are always ways you can help, whether it is cooking a meal for the family; driving the patient to an appointment; visiting the hospital; sending a card, letter, or email of encouragment; remembering the family in prayer; or simply offering a kind word to someone in need. These are things we need to remember.
So the next time you hear of a tragic illness or loss, I urge you to do SOMETHING. Do not make excuses for yourself about not knowing someone well enough or not knowing what to say. Trust me, a thoughtful gesture--no matter how imperfect--will be rememebered for a long time and will be a big boost for someone in need.
Bon Jovi
I just got a new CD for my car in honor of Kelly-Anne: Bon Jovi's greatest hits.
I've been driving around these past couple of days rocking out to classic tunes like Livin' on a Prayer, You Give Love a Bad Name, and Blaze of Glory.
I can't help but think about Kell when I listen to these classic tunes. She loved Bon Jovi even when were kids and it brings me right back to a point where I can almost picture her doing Kareoke or rocking out at a lifeguard rant.
Can't close out this post without a classic Bon Jovi video:
I've been driving around these past couple of days rocking out to classic tunes like Livin' on a Prayer, You Give Love a Bad Name, and Blaze of Glory.
I can't help but think about Kell when I listen to these classic tunes. She loved Bon Jovi even when were kids and it brings me right back to a point where I can almost picture her doing Kareoke or rocking out at a lifeguard rant.
Can't close out this post without a classic Bon Jovi video:
Monday, March 01, 2010
Calling all Montrealers
Mckibbin’s West Island and the Montreal Barbarians Rugby Club invite you to an
Afternoon of Songs & Laughs: Take III
“Celebrating the Spirit of Kelly-Anne”
To raise funds for the
Junior and Elite Athletes
Of the Montreal Barbarians Rugby Club
in memory of Kelly-Anne Drummond
March 20th, 2010 from 2pm - 6pm
6361 Trans-Canada Hwy,Complexe Pointe-Claire,Pointe-Claire, QC H9R 5A5
Live entertainment !
Singer / Song writer Dave Moran
Comedians Mike Paterson, Kevin Gasior & Ryan Wilner
Raffles, Auctions and Door Prizes!
$20 ticket price includes:
1 free beverage, finger food and live entertainment
Come Enjoy the Fun and Support our Aspiring Athletes
Afternoon of Songs & Laughs: Take III
“Celebrating the Spirit of Kelly-Anne”
To raise funds for the
Junior and Elite Athletes
Of the Montreal Barbarians Rugby Club
in memory of Kelly-Anne Drummond
March 20th, 2010 from 2pm - 6pm
6361 Trans-Canada Hwy,Complexe Pointe-Claire,Pointe-Claire, QC H9R 5A5
Live entertainment !
Singer / Song writer Dave Moran
Comedians Mike Paterson, Kevin Gasior & Ryan Wilner
Raffles, Auctions and Door Prizes!
$20 ticket price includes:
1 free beverage, finger food and live entertainment
Come Enjoy the Fun and Support our Aspiring Athletes
Friday, February 26, 2010
Canada's Newest Senator
Clearly, I'm behind on Canadian news but this still bears mentioning.
Pierre-Hugues Boisvenu was just appointed to serve as a Canadian senator! In 2002, after the tragic murder of hist daughter, Julie, Pierre Murdered or Missing Persons' Families' Association (AFPAD).
Kudos to Prime Minister Harper for a great decisison. Good luck, Senator Boisvenu.
Pierre-Hugues Boisvenu was just appointed to serve as a Canadian senator! In 2002, after the tragic murder of hist daughter, Julie, Pierre Murdered or Missing Persons' Families' Association (AFPAD).
Kudos to Prime Minister Harper for a great decisison. Good luck, Senator Boisvenu.
Friday, January 15, 2010
At long last
Thanks to the kindness and generosity of Nicolas Wright (mentioned previously on this blog here) we were able to put together an amazing video tribute to Kelly-Anne to play at her wake in October 2004. It was a labor of love--Nic, Stephen, and I worked for hours long into the night to create a lasting memory in honor of our dear friend, Kelly-Anne.
For years I have been unable to find a way to upload this video to YouTube. But at LONG LAST I have managed to get it up there for all the world to see. It is gut-wrenching and heart-warming all at the same time. And, more importantly, it brings me back to a place where I can focus on Kelly-Anne's life. I especially love seeing the video clip at the end where she is interviewed by CTV about her lifeguarding accomplishments.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.
xoxo,
Rachel
For years I have been unable to find a way to upload this video to YouTube. But at LONG LAST I have managed to get it up there for all the world to see. It is gut-wrenching and heart-warming all at the same time. And, more importantly, it brings me back to a place where I can focus on Kelly-Anne's life. I especially love seeing the video clip at the end where she is interviewed by CTV about her lifeguarding accomplishments.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I have.
xoxo,
Rachel
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Do the crime, serve your time
Kelly-Anne's mother, Doreen, has a great post up today on her blog. I encourage you to read it and consider your role in making sure the parole board keeps the man who killed Kelly-Anne in jail for his entire sentence.
What kind of society do we have where you can murder someone in cold blood and be released on parole after 13 years? Talk about miscarriage of justice.
Kelly-Anne deserves better.
What kind of society do we have where you can murder someone in cold blood and be released on parole after 13 years? Talk about miscarriage of justice.
Kelly-Anne deserves better.
Funny Memories--Part Six
Here is a snippet of a funny memory of Kelly-Anne that was posted on her online condolence book. The full post can be found here.
I only had the opportunity to meet Kelly-Anne in the last year of her life, but I was so amazed and graced by her presence. She always made me laugh and helped me plan my halloween party, even cutting out little paper pumpkins, and she dressed up like Harry Potter. Small little things were fun with Kelly-Anne and we would often talk about joining up to the gym together and then laugh about what big procrastinators we were...
I only had the opportunity to meet Kelly-Anne in the last year of her life, but I was so amazed and graced by her presence. She always made me laugh and helped me plan my halloween party, even cutting out little paper pumpkins, and she dressed up like Harry Potter. Small little things were fun with Kelly-Anne and we would often talk about joining up to the gym together and then laugh about what big procrastinators we were...
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Interesting Comment
Since starting this blog more than 5 years ago, I have recieved many emails and comments about both Kelly-Anne and the man who murdered her. It is very encouraging when people post comments or send in stories about Kelly-Anne. I really enjoy reading these and Kelly-Anne's mother, Doreen, and I will often exchange emails about how happy we are to read something new about Kelly-Anne.
On the other hand, it is both fascinating and horrifying to read the accounts of person after person who knew Marty in the past and had a negative experience with him. Countless people on the West Island have a "Marty" story, and from these experiences it seems clear to me that there was a definite pattern of escalating issues for a long period of time.
Nothing makes me sadder than when I think of how things ended up. Kelly-Anne is never coming back and Marty locked away in jail (for at least another few years). It makes me especially sad because it was completely and utterly preventable. Marty could have taken his issues seriously and sought professional help. Kelly-Anne could have recognized the patterns and signs of a volatile, abusive individual and ended the relationship before her life was snuffed out. We, Kelly-Anne's family and friends, could have been even more insistent to her that she get out of this relationship before it was too late. Obviously, though, the blame for this horrific act of violence lies with one individual and one individual alone.
I want to share the below comment which appeared on the blog yesterday from someone who knew Marty in the past. I hope it will inspire you to take abuse seriously and make sure that if you find yourself in an abusive situation--either as the abuser or the abused--to seek professional help for your problems before it is too late. To the man who made this comment: thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog. At some point in the not-too-distant future, Martin will be up for parole so I hope you will consider supporting the family by sharing your recollections about his character.
I unfortunately knew Martin when I was aged 16 to 21. He had a notoriously volatile temper and was always quick to respond to any confrontational situation in an unusually aggressive manner. I can remember him getting into fights at the slightest provocation. This was often fuelled by alcohol abuse. Martin's older brother wasn't much of a role model, either.
I tried to see the good in Martin, but after years of sharing the same circle of friends, I realized that it was time to grow up and seek a more positive environment.
I remember Martin quitting school after high school. I convinced him to start CEGEP at John Abbott College, but after a short time, he could never fully apply himself, and as a result, dropped out.
I bumped into him years ago with my wife, while we were having our car rust proofed. My first thought was, "I don't want my wife around this guy, and I don't want to socialize with him, either."
Years later, I heard about the murder and was shocked and disgusted. I knew Martin to be angry, but killing his girlfriend over rent money???!!!
Martin could never understand that those flashes of anger that he felt could cause irreparable harm to others.
I offer my most heartfelt condolences to Kelly-Anne's family and friends.
I hope that Martin rots in jail, because I don't think that he has it in him to change and become a regular part of society again. He knows how to pretend that he is sorry without actually feeling any remorse. Hearing his excuse about how the knife flew out of his hand sounds like one of his usual excuses. He never could accept the blame for any of his own wrong-doings. It was always somebody else's fault. If let out of jail, my feeling is that he'll just go back to his old ways.
I did not know Kelly-Anne, but she seems like she was one of the bright, shining stars in the universe.
I hope that Kelly-Anne's memory inspires hope, happiness, and a zest for life for others.
Sincerely,
M
On the other hand, it is both fascinating and horrifying to read the accounts of person after person who knew Marty in the past and had a negative experience with him. Countless people on the West Island have a "Marty" story, and from these experiences it seems clear to me that there was a definite pattern of escalating issues for a long period of time.
Nothing makes me sadder than when I think of how things ended up. Kelly-Anne is never coming back and Marty locked away in jail (for at least another few years). It makes me especially sad because it was completely and utterly preventable. Marty could have taken his issues seriously and sought professional help. Kelly-Anne could have recognized the patterns and signs of a volatile, abusive individual and ended the relationship before her life was snuffed out. We, Kelly-Anne's family and friends, could have been even more insistent to her that she get out of this relationship before it was too late. Obviously, though, the blame for this horrific act of violence lies with one individual and one individual alone.
I want to share the below comment which appeared on the blog yesterday from someone who knew Marty in the past. I hope it will inspire you to take abuse seriously and make sure that if you find yourself in an abusive situation--either as the abuser or the abused--to seek professional help for your problems before it is too late. To the man who made this comment: thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog. At some point in the not-too-distant future, Martin will be up for parole so I hope you will consider supporting the family by sharing your recollections about his character.
I unfortunately knew Martin when I was aged 16 to 21. He had a notoriously volatile temper and was always quick to respond to any confrontational situation in an unusually aggressive manner. I can remember him getting into fights at the slightest provocation. This was often fuelled by alcohol abuse. Martin's older brother wasn't much of a role model, either.
I tried to see the good in Martin, but after years of sharing the same circle of friends, I realized that it was time to grow up and seek a more positive environment.
I remember Martin quitting school after high school. I convinced him to start CEGEP at John Abbott College, but after a short time, he could never fully apply himself, and as a result, dropped out.
I bumped into him years ago with my wife, while we were having our car rust proofed. My first thought was, "I don't want my wife around this guy, and I don't want to socialize with him, either."
Years later, I heard about the murder and was shocked and disgusted. I knew Martin to be angry, but killing his girlfriend over rent money???!!!
Martin could never understand that those flashes of anger that he felt could cause irreparable harm to others.
I offer my most heartfelt condolences to Kelly-Anne's family and friends.
I hope that Martin rots in jail, because I don't think that he has it in him to change and become a regular part of society again. He knows how to pretend that he is sorry without actually feeling any remorse. Hearing his excuse about how the knife flew out of his hand sounds like one of his usual excuses. He never could accept the blame for any of his own wrong-doings. It was always somebody else's fault. If let out of jail, my feeling is that he'll just go back to his old ways.
I did not know Kelly-Anne, but she seems like she was one of the bright, shining stars in the universe.
I hope that Kelly-Anne's memory inspires hope, happiness, and a zest for life for others.
Sincerely,
M
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